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Question
Posted by: cici | 2007/04/02

consentual sibling incest

Oh help~
We found our physically 14 year old son mastrubating on our 10 year old daughters bed. Only to find out further they have performed oral sex and attempted penetration ( son says yes, daughter says no ) He asked her to have sex, and she said ok but lets go to my room. Now we also in the same meeting find out that my 12 year oild daughter has asked my son to have sex, they both state no sexual penetration, but that he did perform orally on her breast. My daughters are already developed, but not menastrating yet. I cant sleep for fear something will happen, even tho my husband and I very strongly expressed how wrong it is to do. Help... I do not know what to do or who to turn to.

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Our expert says:
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This sounds rather beep. ALL THREE kids simultaneously became rather suddenly involved in such active sexual activity ? Curiousity is normal at these ages ; maybe some mild exploration isn't uncommon, but so much elaborate activity isn't usual at all, and a joint assessment by a good local child psychiatrist or child psychologist would be adviseable.
As Maria wisely points out, much depends on whether and in what way you and your husband have discussed sex with these kids, and what they actually understand about it. Where I'm not clear about Maria's comment, is that while it'd be OK for each child to experiment sexually with themselves, doing it jointly is NOT a good idea. And I wonder about the story of them discovering some riscarded porn in a nearby alley --- it doesn't tend to get just thrown away like thast, and there could be someone else actually involved in whatever has been going on
I agree with Tango that this is dysfunctional and suggests that there is more that has been going wrong here than just sexual activity.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/06/21

Have you considered that an adult in the family has been molesting one or all of the children? I've known of many cases of sibling/sibling molestation that begins with imitation of previously experienced adult/child molestation.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: *** | 2007/04/03

please take the whole family to a good family psychologist

Reply to ***
Posted by: cici | 2007/04/03

I totally agree it is wrong, but when you catch them doing this.... I don't think any parent would have the right response at the time. I do appreciate the input, and want to throw an idea out... what if we sent our son to live with hi favorite aunt for say high school years... had the whole family seek counseling. I am just so scared to sleep, we have explained in our home the ramifications of this action, that sex is not just sex... its more emotional and responsible. I just dont know if the talking to and counseling is enough. I have talked with our minister, and now am living in complete fear that the Child Protection Svc will take my children for a normal curiousity ( in a very unnatural and unhealthy context) it is... I do not deny it, and can not even absorb what I know..... but is it something they can take the kids for even if we are doing all we can to encourage the morality side? I was told by my 12 year old that she and her friends found porn mags and videos in the alley by the house. Im just so lost.

Reply to cici
Posted by: RMC | 2007/04/02

And they need to know that it is wrong - and why it is wrong. Your son needs to know that he could be charged with rape/sexual harrasment as the daughters are underage as well (no matter who started it)

It is totally dysfunctional which you know. Don't react in horror and make them feel too bad, take it really calmly. I do think that family counselling would help a lot. Not sure who would be best. Are you guys on a medical aid?

This is really concerning. I hope that you can find the answers you need

Reply to RMC
Posted by: H26 | 2007/04/02

I think you should seek professional help - URGENTLY!!! This is just not right No, Not at all!!

Reply to H26
Posted by: Tango | 2007/04/02

I await CS response here - but incest whether consensual or not is wrong and dyfunctional. I would be, correctly so, extremely concerned and they are all of an age to know that experimentation within the family is wrong and illegal.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Maria | 2007/04/02

Your children are at an age where they are very curious about sex, but it is rather disturbing that they are acting it out in this way. How have you dealt with this subject in your household up to now? Is it something that is openly discussed, have they been exposed to movies with explicit scenes?

I think that just telling teenagers something is wrong will cause them to do it out of spite. Perhaps you should first of all talk to them about sex to find out if they have the facts straight. This should not just be about the physical act, but also the emotional implications and your family values. Explain to them that it is ok at their age to experiment with sexuality alone and in private. How would your son respond if you tell him that as the eldest and a young man it is his job to protect his sisters, not selfishly use them to satisfy his own curiosity?
Maybe you can also post this to the Teen forum.

Reply to Maria

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