Posted by: feeling guilty | 2008/10/02

consensual sex... legal age...problem

hi everyone. i have gotten myself into some possible trouble and it has me quite worried and concerned. what i am about to tell you might disgust some people and you will probably think of me as a bad person. i really don' t think i am a bad person, but i don' t know any more.

i am a 26 year old male accountant and i also tutor accounting for high school students. one of my students is an 18 year old matric girl whose parents are family friends of my own parents. she has a younger brother who I will call D who is 15 years old. he often would listen in when I was teaching his sister or chat to me about various things in his life. sometimes i' d stay at their house to watch dstv when the rest of the family went out and D might stay and watch with me and sometimes the family would go somewhere and leave D visiting my family etc.

well one day i was at their house alone and D and i were watching tv in the lounge. we were talking about some sexual stuff and i was trying to answer his questions as best i could, not that i am very sexually experienced or knowledgeable. but i was surprised how mature he seemed for a 15 year old (he looks older too) and how sexually experienced he seemed to be. i don' t know how much of it was true but he said he had had mainly oral sex, not penetrative and claimed to have given quite a few other guys blowjobs (but the way he described it sounded genuine). i am sure he is more sexually experienced than me!

he then told me he had been interested in me for a while and would i like him to give me a blowjob. i said i was not exactly comfortable with it as he is much younger than me, but i was horny so i said maybe a handjob. he took me by the hand and as we went to the bedroom i was practically shaking. i lay on the bed and let him take my pants off and touch me/play with me.

it gets worse. to cut a long story short the handjob turned into a blowjob and then to my surprise he pulled out some vaseline and asked me to penetrate him (he said it was his first time). he climbed on top of me (i had stayed lying there the whole time) and he controlled everything and brought me to orgasm inside him. i never asked him to do that. i also never gave him a blowjob or let him penetrate me.

i can' t deny that i enjoyed the sex and i probably didn' t try hard enough to stop it. i did ask him many times if he was sure he wanted to do it and was he sure he didn' t want to stop and was i hurting him. also i told him that he didn' t have to do anything he didn' t want to just to impress or please me. he made it clear it was what he wanted to do and even told me to shut up and let him enjoy himself!

since then we have had a few more similar encounters and since am not sexually active elsewhere i have not stopped what i am doing with D. there is a scary side to this story too. D is not a stupid boy and has indicated (jokingly) that if i stop doing this with him he might have to go to the authorities and tell them i have been raping him under duress. i told him that it works both ways and he would get into just as much trouble as me, but i am worried that this is not really the case. it would be the word of a 26 year old man against a 15 year old boy. i am definitely not hurting him and not forcing/coercing him to do anything against his will. i am a very shy, quiet, private, careful person never getting involved in illegal stuff. i don' t smoke, don' t drink, never touched drugs, etc etc.

so i need to know now, is this wrong what i am doing? morally, emotionally, ethically and/or legally speaking? is it illegal if he is below 16, but he is the one who instigated/initiated/requested and continued with the sexual activity? if this is illegal activity should i report it to the police? would it be better to wait until he is over 16 before reporting it, or does this not make a difference to the trouble i could get into? if no one is getting hurt or affected by what we are doing is it really a problem? i know you' re all thinking i should just never have allowed this to happen in the first place. don' t think i haven' t told myself that a hundred times already. i just need some advice on what to do now. i' m quite scared and i can' t really discuss this with anyone and am even taking a risk putting it here. i' m sure anyone who i talk to will judge me and condemn me, maybe even you guys. but please know that I am not looking for children to have sex with, i' m not some kind of pedophile. in fact there is a 33 year old guy in a firm that has some dealings with my company who am interested in and who i am thinking of asking out sometime. but future boyfriends is a whole other issue. for now, please could someone give me some expert/professional advice on what i should do with my current situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Feeling Guilty and thanks for posting here.

You have committed an offense irrespective of which partner initiated the sexual interaction. The point is that he is underage. Moral or emotional issues are secondary.

It is also disconcerting that you guys used Vaseline for anal intercourse - an oil-based product which is not compatible with condoms.

Back off from this young guy as quickly as you can. Learn from this experience.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Don' t worry! Talk it over with him! | 2008/11/07

Why don' t you talk it over with him? Tell him exactly what you have written here. And don' t do it again. If he does go to the authorities, just tell them the truth. Take responsibilty for your actions.
If he says nothing and you get away with it, it is still illegal and you shouldn' t do it again.

One thing doesn' t make sense to me: Why would he go through so much trouble to seduce you, only to threaten you afterwards?

He is either a devious little boy or he really does like you and is just joking around with you.
This is a difficult one.

Reply to Don&#39 t worry! Talk it over with him!
Posted by: feeling guilty but releived | 2008/10/07

i was interested to read johns statement where he thinks this whole post is a hoax. he is very clever to work it out because it was a hoax from beginning to end. it didn' t actually happen, but it almost did and i had wondered what would the consequences would be if it did actually happen. luckily your responses have taught me not to allow it to happen and i will be extra extra careful not to let this happen. i also hope anyone who reads this in the future will learn from the dangers of this kind of things. luckily i didn' t do it otherwise i would be always at risk of going to jail or being fined, not a nice thought to live with!

but dont be offended please. your many responses were very useful and helpful to me and i appreciate every word typed.

Reply to feeling guilty but releived
Posted by: feeling guilty | 2008/10/07

tnx for your replies everyone. you' ve raised all sorts of emotions in me. certainly not made me feel better about what has happened, but i wasn' t expecting to be told it was ok what i done. i' ve tried stepping back and i think it is working. the boy isn' t mean and i think it was as a joke that he said the thing about telling on me if we stop. there was another recent opportunity for us to have sexual relations and this time we decided rather not to. i also had a chance to ask him if we had done anything that was bothering or confusing him and he said no, it was what he wanted to do. i got up the courage to tell him that it would be better if we rather didn' t do it any more. it was fun and strange for the two of us to be doing it, but we both new it couldnt last forever and that he should find a boyfriend his own age but i would be there for him and support him always so was he ok with this. he said he was ok with that and gave me a hug.

i must also add that i am pretty sure he has been with other guys and the expert was right in that we didn' t do safe sex. it was all like a dream to me at the time and i wasn' t thinking. well luckily i am still neg, but it was a very very very stupid thing to do for so many reasons and i will also live in fear of being convicted of as a pedophile or underage rape or consensual rape or whatever it' s called, for my whole life...

Reply to feeling guilty
Posted by: John | 2008/10/06


Reply to John
Posted by: anon | 2008/10/06

What will you do the next time an intelligent 14/15/16 year old is alone in a room with you and starts talking about sex? Maybe you need to examine your own story from start to finish so that you can figure out where it went wrong - that way you won' t end up in this situation again.

I know that you only want help to get out of this, but if this std 7/grade 9 kid hadn' t threatened to split on you, you might not be telling anyone. I hope you get out of this okay, but I think we should all pay attention to legal boundaries, they are there for a very good reason - and a hardon is not an imperative.

Reply to anon
Posted by: HUH | 2008/10/03


Reply to HUH
Posted by: Gareth | 2008/10/02

Ooh, he can really make things hot for you. The courts will not even CARE who initiated it, they will take his side no matter what you say. I' d say you have to break it off with him. But without any bad feelings between you. Do not give him any reason to want to take revenge on you. If he is not that type of person, you really could afterward sit him down and explain to him why you need to step away. Otherwise it might be easier if he could meet someone around his own age that can " distract"  him, and help him forget about you.

Reply to Gareth
Posted by: Nikkits | 2008/10/02

Feeling Guilty

This could put you into a lot of unwanted trouble because although he may have “ initiated”  YOU are ELEVEN years his SENIOR and should KNOW better. The law will be on his side rather then yours so I suggest you get all the legal advice you can and sooner the better. Don’ t just go to any legal advisor but find someone who can really assist with this situation.

You need to get out of that situation very quickly.


Reply to Nikkits
Posted by: Rade | 2008/10/02

This is a bad one. I think the quicker you get out of the situation, the better.
But do it subtly: at first try to avoid situations where both of you guys are alone. Make sure you " visit"  him regularly, but when his parents are around. By " visit"  I mean do not make it obvious that you are avoiding him. Keep tutoring his sister and when he is around, be friendly towards him - you don' t want him to suspect anything, but he should think that there are no opportunity for him to play with you anymore, as his parents are always there.

Keep your side clean. Do not have any contact that can be traced or saved with him. Can you change your number and " forget to tell him" ? Disappear slowly.

How do you guys normally have contact and where do you meet?

Reply to Rade
Posted by: Jack Horner | 2008/10/02

I am not going pass judgement as that is not what this forum is about, and who am i to judge anyway. personally i believe a 15 year old is an adult and has the ability to make choices, he has chosen to " seduce"  you and sounds a bit like one of the movies where a little blackmail comes into the story. You are human, humans make mistakes. So in my opinion, your biggest problem is the legal issue, whoa dude!!!!, you can be in serious trouble here, i don' t think that waiting until he is 16 is going to help either because you had sex when he was 15, this is statutory rape.....i think you need to post your story on the legal expert page and get proper legal advice...... can you disapear out of this guys life and have no contact with him or the family? maybe that s a good place to start unless he threatens blackmail to keep you around.....i do not envy your situation at all.... get legal advice, forget the rest.

Reply to Jack Horner

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