Posted by: Jane | 2004/10/11

Confussed by husband's reaction

My husband and I have been married for 10 years we never really have had many friends. I have two friends who are special to me. Sometimes they invite us to their home. My first friend is a very good Christian and they don’t drink at home and if they invite us to go to there place Joe doesn’t want to go as he can’t have a beer whilst there. With the result I make excuses not to go. My second friend also invites us and normally her family is there. Joe doesn’t talk much while we are there and when we get home he gives me the silent treatment. When I ask him what is wrong he says nothing, but everything about his body language tells me differently. It normally takes a day or 2 for him to come round again. I am very confused as he often says he would like to have some friends we could socialise with but he makes no effort to socialise with my friends unless they are at our home. I am not sure what to do as I love Joe very much and I hate the thought of hurting him but on the other hand I enjoy a little bit of socialising outside his immediate family. I have no family here.

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Our expert says:
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Hi Jane,
It sounds a bit feeble that your husband can't get through a pleasant evening with friends, unless fortified by beer ! Does he have problems with coping with social situations unless he's drunk ? Have you discussed this with his mom or others in his family ? Maybe he does indeed feel awkward in company, with people he doesn't know very well. Of course he could be helped much by counselling, but first he'd need to understand and accept that he does have a problem and could be much happier himself ( as well as helping you to live more happily ) if he would seek and collaborate with counselling.

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