Our expert says:
We do live in a society where the spectrum and diversity of values is rather vast.
Then there is also the reality that we may be raised and socialised in our particular family with its own value system, within a spiritual/religious value system, cultural value system and living at a particular point in time and history. It is very common that at points in our lives that we may explore and experiment with certain behaviours (thoughts, ideas etc) that may be contrary to the values we were socialised into. Remember values are "belief systems". Then there is the natural curious ever growing human being with his/her naturally occurring desires and needs.
Thus it is fairly common that we may discover and engage in behaviours that may be in conflict with our socialised values, resulting in adapting or changing our values or keeping it in denial or repression.
It is also common that we may find ourselves in relationships where the value system and/or behaviours of a partner does not necessarily completely match our own. The discovery of these sometime significant sometimes subtle differences are the moments in relationships that need to be worked through and can result in a deepening and growing of the individuals and the relationship or a distancing and possible realisation that the differences are to significant to sustain a relationship.
So to answer your direct questions.Yes it is very normal for men to explore things such as pornography and erotica. It is not uncommon for men, for various reasons to have explored the experience of a sex worker or casual sexual relationships. It is also a fairly common experience for women, especially if they themselves come from more conservative and traditional cultural and religious backgrounds, to experience a sense of betrayal when they discover this.
It is important that a couple work through these issues. The assistance and support of an objective sex therapist can be helpful in this.
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