Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/03

confused relationship - continued

We were not surposed to have met last night but we did. We ended up making love 3 times, it was the most wonderful experience both of us has ever had.

I know he is not sleeping with his ex as she is in Durban and we are in Pretoria. After last night I am falling more and more in love with him. When we are together both of us feel so loved by each other.

I think he is scared after he got hurt from his previous relationship, that he will get hurt again. I not sure what to do now. We speak to each other alot over the phone, see each other almost every day. I don't want to force him or rush him into a relationship but I do want him to know that I am there for him and love him alot

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People whose previous relationship was painful, are often scared of any new one. Think of relationship counselling together, as one possibility.

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Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/03


That is what I wanted to do from the start. He is the one that brought up my emotions and he is the one that keeps saying that we must stop having sex. He is also the one that starts the foreplay and where we end up having sex.

No, I am not confusing sex with love. I know the difference between the two. I have been in a relationship where it was just sex, both of us enjoyed it while it lasted. We are still good friends. But with this guy I have fallen in love and he knows it.

I don't want a commitment right now, I just want to go out with him, have fun, enjoy ourselves and if he happens to fall in love with me then we can see about the commitment.

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/03

ok, so you are not so young anymore and it's normal that you would want to have some kind of commitment

but girl you are confusing love and sex
you say you love him but i very much doubt it!!! caring and loving and sex are very different things

both of you are enjoying the sex so, just enjoy it and live of the moment - don't make this a big thing because it's "just sex" and if you try and see it for anything more you'll be disappointed

life is about taking chances and learning important lessons, so don't miss the opportunity,unfortuneatly we mostly learn when we are experiencing pain and suffering - and you have at least 50 % chance of that - so enjoy the ride and learn the lesson and don't make a big thing of it - relax and enjoy
you are taking an informed decisions and are prepared for the consequences so you don't have much to lose - but a whole lot to gain
take care


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/03

I am 27 years old. Will be 28 years old next year march.

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/03

hi there

pls let us know how old you are?


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/03


Hold on a second. His ex is not away, she lives in Durban. He moved to Pretoria not long after they broke up. She already has another boyfriend.

The problem here is that he is scared to get into serious relationship right now. But at the same time we have this very strong sexual attraction. If he just wanted sex with a woman, he could have it. Many have tried but have not succeeded.

Both of us know that he wants me and values my friendship. I just want more than what he can give me. When he says that i will end up getting hurt, is that he is not sure if he will ever love me the same way that I love him.

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/11/03

Dear Sunflower
You guys were not supposed to meet last night - but you did - his other g/f is away - Would he have met you if she was here?
You guys made love and now he is saying if this carries on you will get hurt - bulldust he used you last night.
I am so sorry - you need to re-evaluate this situation properly with both eyes open.
If he does love you he will be with you - and you alone.
Take care of your heart before he rips it - head his warning.
Something is not kosher
Good luck.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/03

Thanx Foxy.

I spoke to him just now, he doesn't want to hurt me. He says that if we continue like this, I am going to end up getting more hurt. I am trying to explain to him that I am not asking for him to commit, etc. All I want is for him to let me love him and let things happen naturally.

I do know and understand his feelings and appreciate that he is honest with me. I want to be given a chance to show him what love truly is. He deserves so much love as he is such a loving person himself.

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: Foxy | 2004/11/03

That is exactly what you can do, just be there for him and show him how much you care for him. To force a guy into a relationship after he has been hurt is just going to ruin the moment. Best things happen to those who wait, so take your time, get to know each other even more and show him all you have to offer him by just being there for him and listening. He will soon enough come around I PROMISE

Reply to Foxy

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