Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/02

<br>Confused relationship

Hi, I need some advice. I met this guy about two months ago. We immediately took to each other. We almost made love on the first date but we stopped. It wasn't long before we couldn't get enough of each other.

Then a few weeks ago, his ex-girlfriend got sick and he became worried about her and started talking alot to her. He says that he doesn't want to go back to her but still has some feelings for her, even though she hurt him alot. He then told me that all he wants is sex and is not interested in a permanent relationship.

I told him that I want much more than just sex. So now we have stopped having sex but both of us still want each other. I have strong feelings for him and I know that he doesn't have feelings for me. He just wants me as his friend. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to lose him but at the same time I get so upset.

I feel that its unfair as he is still hurting over his ex (they broke up more than 6 months ago), and is rejecting the one person (ME) that just wants to love him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/02

Dear Sunflower,

The only advise I can give you is to stay away from him until he figures out what he wants. I am in the same situation as you only I am the ex girlfriend. My ex and broke up a month agao after four years and he is sort of seeing this other girl but he is still telling me how much he loves and misses me and he wants to work things out and doesnt really want to stay with her. Ultimately he is only hurting both of you as he is using you to try and get over his ex that he obviously doesnt want to do and 99% of the time he will go back to her if she gave him half a chance! So at the end of the day don't allow your self to be in a relationship that you know will never work especially if you say that he doesnt have feelings for you.
Good luck!

Reply to Seh
Posted by: Woman | 2004/11/02

I would rather be alone than have some man using me for sex. He is obviously still sleeping with her too and I dont care what he tells you. You cant honestly think that you wont feel anything for him after he sleeps with you and goes back to her. You arnt made of steel and you will end up depressed and even more alone. Get rid on him as he is hindering you from meeting a wonderful man who wants to be both love and b/friend!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/02

hi there

you must first love yourself girl and have a health self image
without those thing you are bound for a lot of heartache in life


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Sunflower | 2004/11/02

Thanx for the advice. But the problem is that I don't have many friends. Almost all my other relationship end up in a similar way. In the start I was able to deal with it and move but then it became worst. I started to doubt myself. Asking myself what is wrong with that every guy that I meet tells me that I am a sweet kind caring person but in the end I still not good enough to love.

I am so tired of it. All I want the most in this world is too be loved.

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/11/02

hi girl

i think this guy is being very nice by being upfront and open about all this and that you should give give him the space he needs

he needs time to get over his ex and time to heal it's imporant if you want any kind of relasionship in the future, would you want a guy who can just jump from one relasionship to another?

since the physical thig is a real issue at the moment i would think it's wise to stop all physical contact for a period of time - if he is ment for you he will return - he will not have the respect needed for a relasonship if you sleep with even after he told you he dosn't love you

be wise and patient


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Hale | 2004/11/02


One thing I've learned is that it is impossible to make anyone love you. I would suggest you lick your wounds and move on. Someone else who will find you worthy of a relationship will come along. I know it is going to be difficult, but it is the right thing to do...and you will be proud of yourself in the end...

I would also suggest that you try and have a life of yourself, to keep your mind away from him. Like going out with friends...etc

Reply to Hale

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