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Question
Posted by: Paulbad | 2007/07/12

Confused Girlfriend

Hi ... my girlfriend of 5 years does not know if she wants to be with me for the rest of her life or not... SHe wants to move out on her own . but still see me.. and hear from me. She says she loves me, but she is not sure what kind of love it is.. she does not know if she can continue her life without me... we havent been intimate for 4 months , but still cuddle each and every night,. Last nigght we made love for the first time in 4 months... and she says that she is now more confused.. I ask n lot of questions , does she love me , is there someone else , what what what,, etc.. she says that the more I ask ,, the more I make her confused. Any other ladies know how she feels? can some one explain to me?

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Our expert says:
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It sounds as though she is getting confused about what she wants in life, including, but not limited to her feelings about you. Why not suggest that the pair of you see a relationship counsellor together ? If not, and if she still wants the break, strongly suggest that she should see a counsellor herself during that time, so as to make it fruitful and productive.
Good comments all round, and D's summary is useful

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Our users say:
Posted by: vkg | 2007/07/12

she is confused is going through a million emotions of which she loves you but she needs to be sure of who she is what she wants out of life she is dependant on you she wants to be by herself alone time is hard to ask for from a man and when she receives it she will come back ever felt like you want to be by yourself to rethink your life and future she loves you, please allow her that space she needs. she will come back as long as you give her the space she needs.
living in your house also does allow her to breathe and be with herself.

Reply to vkg
Posted by: D. | 2007/07/12

She wants the best of both worlds. Tell her if she moves out, then there must be no contact from either side. Why must she get everything her own way?? Have a bit of a backbone and dont let her manipulate you. She will respect you more as a guy with confidence in his decisions is very sexy!

Reply to D.
Posted by: Paulbad | 2007/07/12

She is still staying with me , in my house.. says when she can afford it.. she will move out and gether own place.. but shed still want to see me....

Reply to Paulbad
Posted by: D. | 2007/07/12

Paulbad, I dont think you have a choice. Let her go and if she comes back then you know it was meant to be. And when she does go, dont contact her. This way she will miss you and you will be in control of the situation.

Reply to D.
Posted by: Paulbad | 2007/07/12

So should I Stop telling her that i desire her.. she is truly the only woman who I want to be intimate with. I love her enough to give her space , it might do us good... she said that if she does decide she wants me , that we should then get married

Reply to Paulbad
Posted by: Dreamgal | 2007/07/12

Only you can answer that ! !

Reply to Dreamgal
Posted by: Paulbad | 2007/07/12

So what If I give her space , let her move out ... what if she does decide that she wants me... should I take her back??

Reply to Paulbad
Posted by: D. | 2007/07/12

Hi Paulbad. Maybe after 5 years, the spark has gone. If you have not been intimate for 4 months, then it probably has for her. Maybe she needs space to see if she misses you and if she feels that being on her own, the excitment and passion will come back for you. If it doesnt, then she knows that she needs to move on. Its sad, but when people live together for so long, this sometimes happens. I felt the same way as you gf feels and I needed that break to feel a longing for him again. Unfortunately, when I did realise I was in love with him, he decided he needed to move on. It is a risk she is willing to take. All the best.

Reply to D.
Posted by: sideways | 2007/07/12

She is exactlywhat she says she is, confused. I would suggest a break. Tell her that you can't be made to suffer this way, you love her, you know what you want but you realise that you need to set her free, give her space and not be tagged along or the cause of more confusion for her. It's painful and there is the possibility that she decides to leave you but it's the only way. If she comes back, then great if not, then you can heal and move on. I'm sorry but this is sadly the way it is for you now. Be brave and look after yourself.

Reply to sideways
Posted by: An2 | 2007/07/12

Im thinking the same. She is used to you but doesnt want the relationship anymore but probably does not want to loose your friendship and familiarity.

Reply to An2
Posted by: Anon | 2007/07/12

My thought she doesn't want u, she just scared to be alone. So she plays this mind games with u.

Reply to Anon

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