Posted by: BAFFLED | 2004/10/18


At the beginning of the year I met a very nice guy, nothing happened but we developed a good friendship. E-mailed daily etc. End July we kissed, still everything was fine he called me on a daily basis and we normally talked for nothing less than an hour. Beginning August we slept together... since then things have changed to the point where we speak once a week. We have slept together 3 times after that but things aren't getting better. Whenever we do talk he calls me his girlfriend and gets jealous when I tallk to other men, or when other men talk to me. I have discussed this with him and said that we shouldn't see each other anymore, but he gives me the story that I'm hurting his feelings etc.
I feel like he wants me around just to sleep with me and there are no actual feeling involved except from my side. Am i right???? I would rather put others feelings before mine and could never forgive myself if I were to hurt his feelings. What do I do??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

well, as you describe it, your interpretation of events sounds about right, sadly. Toy deserve much better than he seems able to give you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: xxx | 2004/10/18

he is probably commited to someone else.

Reply to xxx
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/18

Hi Baffled,

I agree with Mindful. As you say, you have discussed this with him suggested that you shouldn't see each other anymore. From my experience, I do understand the emotional black-mail bit, & it does sound like this is what he is doing to you.
I would say that you're otherwise a strong & capable person, so why not stand by your decision. If we give in once then in a way we allow people to take advantage of us. Because they know they can do it, they do it over again.
You ask what you should do??? My answer is that I think you've already made a decision, so all you need to do is carry it out & stand firm on it.
You know this person better than we do, & from your posting, I feel certain that you would know the appropriate manner to deal with this.

Good luck Baffled, & remember, by trying not to hurt him, you are in effect, repressing your own self...


Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Mindful | 2004/10/18

Dear Baffled,

Never put your feelings ahead of someone else's if it means that you're going to get hurt to protect their feelings. I know you're trying to be the nice person here, but it sounds as though he's blackmailing you emotionally - and that's really not worth it for you. Why not tell him that you'd rather not have sex with him and see what happens from there. If he cares for you, he will accept that, and if he only is around for the sex...well, then you have your answer too.

Reply to Mindful

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