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Question
Posted by: Confused in love | 2004/11/08

Confused and in love - but are we right for eachother?

Dear Doc

I need your help. I wanted to go and see someone who can help me, but I am very nervous of doing this. I have a problem. I need to get some advice on whether my boyfriend and I should be together. The reason being is that we argue so often. We love eachother madly and he is a wonderful person, but I find that we argue more than love eachother and accept eachother for what we are.

I thought we may need to go and get some advice on whether the experts have seen cases like this before and whether we should continue with our relationship (I know he is going to propose soon but am so scared of entering into a relationship that will end in divorce or lonliness if we carry on this way) or if the experts have seen this case before and tell us it's not worth the pain.

Please can you help. We've been together for over 3 years...and it's not changing as time goes on. If you can suggest anyone very good in the Durban area I would be really appreciative too.

Thank you
Karen

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear c,
My crystal ball is malfunctioning ( so hard to get the right batteries for it ) so I really can't tell whether anyone is right for anyone else, especially at such a distance. Maybe if you leaned a bit closer to the computer screen ?
Seriously, though, you have no need to feel scared of seeing a counsellor, who is trained to be approachable and easy to talk with, and that is where you could best discuss these issues fully and find your own best answers to them. Maybe relationship / premarriage counselling, toether, would be most useful. Call FAMSA, which has a good branch in Durban, as a source of counselling.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Orie | 2004/11/09

I would not advise you to let go of this relationship . You've mentioned that you're so madly in love - then what else is there that you cannot conquer . You just need to get help to sort out the underlying issues behind the arguments . You love each other , for Pete's sake , dont let go of this realtionship . I'm sure you 've had happier times . You might be laughing and happy together 90 % of the time and only fight 10 % of the time . But when you fight the 10 % overshadows the 90 % happier times. We tend to focus on the negative. Think of those happy moments you two have , are'nt they good enough for both of you to fight for your relatiponship ? Please dont let go of it , work on the issues , look at the good things and times you've had, use that as a basis to make you stronger and fight for your love .Pls work on it

Reply to Orie
Posted by: Belle | 2004/11/09

I have been in the same boat and it was never easy because we would literally just argue,maybe i wanted to prove a point so did he.The arguments took a lot from me though we wanted to see each other all the time it was just disheartening knowing that any other way we'll end up arguing.I was so empty and got sooo confused coz the whole relationship was hurting me more,the fact that we loved each other and still now don't know if it was time,compatibility or what???We aren't together anymore but it feels that we communicate more with less arguments and it feels easier because now we are looking at what was causing the behaviour maybe who knows we'll be together someday again.
Just know it never get easier not unless you find what the root of the arguments are.

Reply to Belle
Posted by: Stacey | 2004/11/09

What about the good times?? My boyfriend and I also fight often, sometimes over the silliest things, but we love each other dearly and the good times that we do share are amazing and the moments are treasuring and I wont trade him for anything. Can you imagine your life without him, when you dont see him do you long for him, is he constantly on your mind?

Reply to Stacey
Posted by: Edmund | 2004/11/08

"Get out while you can.!" You do not want to marry him and that small voice nagging you by saying he is wrong is "you".
Sometimes we hold on to someone because we believe we need him/her. "You will see further by standing on the shoulders of giants." - for you can be greater and be slave to nobody. Set your principles and if he disregards them - why even thunk of staying????

Reply to Edmund

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