Posted by: me | 2005/01/06

confused about relationship

Hi all,

I wondered if any body out there could offer some advice. I am currently dating a girl with 2 kids (still young), they are from different fathers - and am taking some strain - cause the Ex will always be there (and i have never dated with kids)... She is really great - i guess what i always wanted, but the only problem is her attention and her kids - i dont want to make things difficult for her... I am very understanding - have good morals - christian etc etc - so if there are obstacles nothing can is impossible ... We have our times alone together - but need some advice about the future - will there always be that threat (Ex) ? or is that my mind playing games ? - i know that men when involved with kids - always feel a certain rejection... Please can anybody offer any advice, i like her a real lot... just need to accept a few things to make it easy...

Thanks for reading....


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

When someone has kids, in a way you want the Ex in the picture, and can hardly avoid it, as the kids need access to their dad / mom, and he/she needs to help to support them. It doesn[t need to be the basis for jealousy.
As lady nina wisely says, you need to talk this through between you, and consider working for a time with a professional counsellor, too

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/01/06

hi there

you need to be very brave to continue with this relasionship becuase the problems are not going to go away untill the children is grown up, i would recomment that both of you go and speak to a proffesional who can help you be objective and not all emotional

if my ex gets married again i would try my best to get to know the person ( i have in the past with his gf's) and try and build some kind of relasionship ( keep your frineds close and your ememies closer!)

you need to sit down with your partner and TALK and TALK and compromise and be very understanding and set some rules so both of you know how the other feels and can be more understanding, if you mean a lot to her she would take your feelings in consideration, unless you are really insecure with a low self image, things can be worked out


Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/06

True, nobody likes an ex in the picture, but he has to be, but only in the picture with the kids. He doesn't have to be in your picture with her. I see no reason for them to go shopping together unless they have come to an amicable agreement & are just basically good friends. That happens too you know...
Yep, I think that looming thought will always be there coz actually, he will always be the father to his kids, that won't change, ever.

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: me | 2005/01/06

I guess not - the thing is i know about him now - and how he hurt her, she told me he wants to go do clothes shopping with the her and the kids(he's expense), but cant be stressed about it... she could just be doing it for the kids - if she does ... i mean will there always be this looming thought - nobody likes an Ex in the picture...

Reply to me
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/06

Is the ex really a threat???

Reply to Shaun

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