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Question
Posted by: confused | 2004/12/10

confused about family

I don't quite know what my problem is but I have this lack of connection between myself and my parents. When my mother tries to talk me about anything on a personal level I become completely distant. I never tell them anything personal whether it be my personal relationships or my job, money etc. I just cannot. And yet, I have this contant guilty feeling, so much so that when I leave their place (I don't live at home) I have knotts in my stomach. I don't know why but I feel terribly sorry for them and I don't even know why. I have never really had a "close" relationship with them but I have always had this guilty feeling for them and now it is worse than ever. I do not have a problem connecting with friends/boy friends but when comes to family I am completely cut off. I don't know what to say to them. I feel I am such a bad child and I feel like I am hurting my parents but I donlt know how to make it end and I think it is getting worse.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Was this the way you grew up ? In an emotionally distanced family, with little discussion of emotive or personal issues ? When you feel guilty, guilt usually is attached to some reason : what do you feel you need to feel guilty about ? How id they discipline or scold you whn you were younger --- or how did they show approval ? Did they leave you always feeling as if whatever you did wasnt good enough ? What on earth could be the basis for feeling like a "bad child" ? In what way do you think you are hurting your parents ? Why not get into proper counselling, and work through these hindrances, and free yourself from these inappropriate assumptions about yourself ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2004/12/10

Mmmm. No real communication? Sometimes communication isn't in what you say, but in things you do together. And perhaps next time you distance yourself from your mother - try really hard to communicate. Tell her that its difficult for you and you don't know why. Try and get some counselling from a psychologist. He/She will help you to unearth the reasons why you cannot communicate.

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