Our expert says:
Gay, lesbian and bisexual expert
Hi Kelly and thanks for posting. It sounds as if you're more likely to stand up for yourself, your gf and your relationship, and that this is frustrating you - right?
It may be unfair to expect your gf to respond to her parents in the same way you respond to yours. While you may see her parents' manipulation quite clearly, she's the one who actually experiences this. And she responds to them in accordance with the manner in which she was socialised by them. To expect her to react differently while she's still living with her family may be a bit harsh. Quite possibly she's feeling even more powerless and frustrated than you are.
The context is that both sets of parents suspect something and you're very clear about them cutting off financial support if they're confronted with your sexuality too directly. Which kind of closes the door to either of you coming out. At the same time, you describe your relationship very positively. It would be sad if you allowed either set of parents to destroy the relationship, so how about you continue as before until your circumstances change?
Be aware of unfairly setting your partner up by expecting her to choose between you and her parents. Don't try to distance her from her parents, rather focus on trying to strengthen her relationship with you. And let her know how you feel but don't blame her when she submits to her parents.
Please keep posting Kelly.
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