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Posted by: noodle | 2006/04/05

confused....

Hey CS... long time. I hope you are well. I need to just vent or get this off my chest. Haven't seen my shrink since October last year we both agreed I was doing better and he said I should stop by whenever I felt the need or overwhelmed etc. Work has kept me extremely busy so stress levels has gone through the roof. I should have made time but didn't so long story I'm seeing him again tomorrow. I just want to get a feel about some stuff.

Got divorced cause he felt the need to love somebody else while he was married to me, i.e. an affair. This I truely feel stuffed me up I'm not hung up about him and what he did and I don't have revenge feelings towards him but what I can truely say is I am involved with somebody and we stay in our seperate homes see each other mostly over weekends. I know he goes out with his friends after work and I truely don't mind. what gets me though is when I ask him about it he is very fague and that is what pisses me off. He has now got to do some traveling for work and I caught him a few times saying "we" are driving here or going to drive there but as I say he uses "we". So I finally get the guts to ask him. My words : please be honest with me but are you really traveling alone as you keep on saying we are driving and we are doing etc. He lost it comepletely got cut off on cell phone I think he put it down in my ear, then I get two mails the first with all these peoples contact details saying I should contact them asking them if somebody is travelling with im or not. and in the same breath he says he can do anything he wants and see anybody that he wants. the next mail is a confirmation off all the hotels etc that he will be staying in saying I should contact the hotel and ask them if there are two people staying in the room.

I didn't even reply. I also have concerns and feelings and if he feels that him and I are not in a relationship we are just friends these are my words of what I am assuming from him then why the heck bother. I was concerned I have a right to raise those concerns don't I.

What I'm just worried about is that I actually do mistrust him from the start. what I mean with that is I am very carefull I always have to over analyze what he says when he goes out or somewhere and that has been since my X cheated on me. I just feel that I won't get over this feeling. Is it perhaps just because of how this guy is acting. If I was with somebody else or this guy acted more forthcoming with info, i.e I don't have to try and drag it out of him and even by doing that I still get nowhere or no info would I still feel this way ??

I kinda know what I want and this communication problem is huge for me. I don't really know how he actually feels about me at all. So I suppose I am insecure on that side of things aswell.

Another note is that he cheated on his wife so I suppose once a cheat always a cheat..... I just thought perhaps I should give him a chance ... my mistake... thanks for listening doc and you keep well.
noodle

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi noodle,
long time indeed. vent away. From the sound of it, I'm sure tomorrow's session with your shrink should prove productive. Wow, sounds like rather an over-reaction from your bf ! Maybe he wsn't doing anything wrong, but with this response, one can't help wondering if he was at least considering it !

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