Posted by: R | 2004/11/04


Hi there

I am hoping someone could help me with this as i am so confused about the situation and its starting to get me down.

My problem is quite long so please bear with me.

In June i met this really cute and amazing guy (lets call him Joe) we hit it off really well and the feelings were very strong. I had just come out a longterm relationship and the same with him. His girlfriend was still very inlove with him but they broke up as it could not work (she was 11 years older and wanted to settle but he did not). His girlfriend still phoned him and every day and had a so called "dilemna" just to get him to her place. He said he was very very attreacted to me but did not want anything physical to happen just yet as he felt bad about his ex even though they had broken up. The night we hit it off he asked me to stop coming on to him and said its not because he does have feelings but does not want to do anything to soon. i respected his wishes and we just chatted. My friends went back home and he invited me to a friends house with him, so i went knowing nothing would happen as he said so. After we arrived there he said he was finding it hard to keep his hands off me but knew he had to (he told me this). We just chatted wih his friends until suddenly he started kissing me. We could not stop kissing for the next couple of hours and occasionally stopped to cool down and get a drink but then he started kissing me again. He told me he could not do anything more than just kiss but then he started feeling my body and one thing led to another and we slept together (this was all his doing as he initiated all of this).

After that Joe still phoned me and saw me often and we slept together once and only once again. We had definite chemistry between us as when we saw each other it was amazing and there was alot of sexual tension. (we only slept together twice but it would have been more if both of us did not have self control) We went out a couple of times and saw each other often he even said he was falling inlove with me and how much i was starting to mean to him. He then left for Thailand 2 months ago as his ex was pestering him and he always wanted to go, but her stalking him gave him the final push. When he left he told me i meant alot to him and asked if i would wait for him until he returned. I agreed but told him i am not stopping my life just for him but just wont go into another relationship untiil he returns.

I have spoken to him since he left and i told him i want to travel to which he replied he wanted me to join him. I started saving and now have the money but am unsure if i should join him or not. i wanted to travel before he asked me to join him over there but i am now confused on what to do.

I have spoken to people who know him and they say he is a wonderful wonderful guy and that i wont get hurt. I just dont want to go there and make a fool of myself. i have been emailing him to see if he still wants me to join him or if the offer was just a offer and nothing really meaningful.

I thought about it and thought i was being stupid as it was just a fling but then think back to when he was still here and i know it was more than that the only reason it could not evolve into a relationship was because we both agreed it would be stupid with him leaving for a long time.

He means alot to me and i know i mean something special to him as he has told me and said he has feelings for me that he has never felt before. I think i have fallen inlove as after 2 months of him being gone i cant stop thinking about him and I am missing him madly.

Anyway after this veeeeeeeery long story what i am asking is should i join him or just travel on my own? He is quite a scatter brain with his head in the clouds & says stuff and then does not do it (nothing bad but like saying he will come over and not arriving but then does apologise when he does not, its not like he forgets he just runs out of time)

Please can someone help me and give any opinions whether negative or positive. Just need to know if i should pursue it or not!


P.S. Sorry bout the long story but it would not make sense without the background on my reason for the question. Sorry

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry, not in my area of expertise, but I'm sure other readers will have useful comments.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2004/11/04

Please someone (Paris, young mom or zee) or anyone else reply before 5, need to know cause i am seeing joe's brother tonight and might talk to him about it. We are good friends.



Reply to R
Posted by: R | 2004/11/04

Thanks guys for all your reply's, it really has put me at ease.

He did not move there (Thailand) he just went there for a couple of months to explore the world and is travelling from country to country seeing everything. He went there without a return date and still does not have one so i wont be moving there and nor is he (right now, he still has a house, car etc in SA), just joining him on his journey as a friend/ companion/ lover/ girlfriend/ fling or whatever happens btw us, just dont want to risk all that money to get the bullet, but like you say i have to take the risk or i will never know and if that means sacrificing R10 000 for nothing its better than sitting in SA depressed and upset with all these questions eating at me.

Even if he is not living there and just on a loooooooong holiday basically, do you still think i should join him?

Oh i forgot, he also likes to please everyone (well none of us really want to deliberately dissappoint someone) and sometimes says stuff he knows you want him to hear, but somehow saying, "Join me in Thailand?" is not something you would say to just please someone now would you?. Am I wrong? Is he maybe playing me? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to R
Posted by: Young mom | 2004/11/04

Love is about having fun with the one you have at that particular point in time of your life.

You have resources, you have the backing of his friends' opinion of him... and the ex-girlfriend is just bitter and acting the usual "ex's" role(devious, jealousy.... yara yara yara yara).

Forget her and go out there and have a wonderful time. If possible think about whether the two of you can't setle over there and start a new life together.

Have fun girl, these kinds of blessings are not for everybody.

Reply to Young mom
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/04

I had a boyfriend. We broke up in South Africa. After 9 months or so got back together by telephone. He wanted me to go there. Our relationship was so full of hurt and unfinished business, yet i loved him very much, and i wanted to be with him. I left south africa to be with him. When i was there, it was nothing like i had expected. He was the same mean, selfish person who wanted to have total control of me. I left him after 3 weeks and came home.

Moral of my story: I took the risk. I knew/know that it was never going to be a fairly tale and the real world is tough. However, i do not regret my decision. If i never took that risk i would be sitting here in south africa, not being able to truely move on.

Dont think you are doing this just for this guy. You said it yourself, you have always wanted to travel. So you're joining some one you have fallen inlove with. If it doesn't work out, you still continue your travels. Dont let fear stop you from living life to the fullest. You never know you two could end up having the best adventures of your life together.

Honestly, i would definately urge you to do it. You have the money, you love this guy. Make a sacrafice to find out just how much your willing to do for this new love.

Go go go.


Reply to PARIS
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/04

I would advise u to visit for few weeks and see if moving there permanently is worth it. Dont just go there wholeheartedly, and live happy everafter fairytale. This is the real world, its always safe to take precautions in all decisions you make and leave a little space of dissappointemt. Sometimes we need to make use of our minds not our hearts to make decisions like these.
Heart can be sometimes very deceiving.

Lastly, dont 4get that ur r/ship has not matured enough for u to move in another country with him. I still think that U MUST BE CAREFUL

Reply to Zee
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/04

Hi there,

Life is made up of risks. This is one of them. If you dont take it how will you ever know? If you hit it off it will be great, and if you dont then atleast you will still be achieving one of your dreams. DO IT. If the guy didn't want you there, he would not have told you to join him. Have some faith in him.


Reply to PARIS

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.