Posted by: amanda | 2004/11/04


Hi CS,
About two years ago I had a short and secret fling with a guy, who (unknown to be) was dating someone else. When I found out, it didnt bother me much because I had no intentions of a steady relationship with him. But I susequently ended it - I cant accept he idea of being cheated on (fling or not). However, I found out about the girl in a humiliating manner - I found her naked at his place while he wasnt expecting me...
What bothers me is that 2 years on and a man I feel and felt nothing for, I keep having these recurring dreams about his girlfriend - they still together and I see them occasionally.

About 5 years ago I found my then fiancee in bed with someone else - he later married the girl after I would accept him back. Am I maybe still not over that but I'm reacting to the latter incident because they're similar and more recent? I really dont care for the guy I had a fling with, but obviously my fiancee hurt me badly. But as I said it was humiliating regardless...
But why am I reacting like this?

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Our expert says:
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Well, amanda, I guess it was very humiliating for the other girl, too. Your theory sounds reasonable, and the images of both nasty events were probably filed away under similar headings. And the emotion from one even can get confused or mixed with that from the other.

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