Posted by: hurting | 2006/07/12

confronting a cheating spouse

I have just found out my husband is having an affair with someone whom he works with and Im not sure how to confront him on the issue. He is away overseas at the moment and left his cell behind as he cant use whilst away.The evidence I have ranges from messages on his cell (I decided to check his sms for him only to discover a few I doubt I should be seeing), this led me to dig deeper and have evidence of his girlfriend depositing money into his bank account and going away together and a couple of other bits and pieces.

How do you approach this without becoming so emotional that you cant say what you want to say? How do you make him confess - he'll find some logical explanation for all the evidence?
Will we be able to get through this or is this marriage of 14 years doomed???

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Our expert says:
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Keep good copies of all the evidence you have discovered and give these to your lawyer. The lawyer will be able to communicate with him, on his return, without getting emotional at all. If he wants to try to make a sincere effort to mend the mariage, then insist on proper mariage counselling and not mere promises.

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Our users say:
Posted by: kat | 2006/07/12

hi sorry for this shit you are going through, firstly dont let him swing it around and blame you for snooping, if he didnt have anything to hide he wouldnt call it snooping. secondly dont give him excuses like, did you do it coz of xyz, that just gives him something to agree to, ask him straight out and tell him you want answers. then take your time and think about what he has to say. just remember just because you bring it up doesnt mean you have to finnish the conversation there and then try stay calm if you need to discuss it the next day again rather do that than get yourself all worked up. he will have reasons but there are no excuses. make sure he takes responsability for his doings and listen to his reasons. then you can take a pan and hit him on the head if you like at least that way you will have all the info you need to prosess what has happened and will be stronger to deal with what needs to be doen in order for you to get over this hurt or to move on. BTW i cheated and this is the best i can suggest, if you push him in a corner he will spin it arround on you. i was given time to talk and that does made a difference.

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