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Question
Posted by: lonely | 2003/02/26

confidence problem

hello. i have a problem with my confidence level. i have low self esteem and this is seriously affecting my life. i dont have the 'guts' to ask a girl out. part of me feels is if im not good looking enough and another part fears rejection. most of the time i have to find out whether the girl likes me before i make a move. please can you help me because i know that its all in the mind. thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're right about it being all in the mind. Guys much less good-looking than you get on fine with girls, when they have the confidence to show how much else about them, is pleasant. And girls who decide on whether to go out with a guy purely based on something so superficial as looks, are too shallow to be worth bothering about.
Low self-esteem is very mch something that can be improved in counselling with a good shrink. It's a curious thing, self-esteem, as it isn't particularly related to any specific characteristic of the person. Physically gorgeous people can have awfully low self-esteem, and vice-versa. It's a complex, including self-respect and self-confidence. It's hard for other people to like you, however great you really are, until you like yourself.
ou're definitely good-looking enough, and interesting enough ( especially because people enjoy your company more in relation to how interested you are in them, than to how interesting you are in yourself ).
Work at making friends --- just ordinary friends, not aiming at sky-rocketing passion ( not at first ! ) --- at getting to know people as acquaintances, then as pals. You can grow your confidence by accumulating successful experiences. And if some relationship doesn't work out, don't let this shatter you --- evaluate the experience briefly --- loo at how much went right ( so you can do it again ) ; and clarify what may have gone wrong ( so you can try those aspects differently the next time ).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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