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Question
Posted by: Worried | 2006/07/30

Conditional love = marital breakdown

My husband adopted my 2 sons 4 yrs agp. Their behaviour not up to std performance not acceptable. He is a perfectionist. Sets very high standards that children struggle to achieve.Children resort to theft both of them. Husband relinquishing control as I (mother & wife) cannot accept the way he disciplines them He feels I want to be mother & father.I have ideas how father should behave. Dysfuncional family to start. He verbally abuses children, swears & screams. Threatens with physical abuse - never happened. Turns his back on kids & withholds love & affection. Blames kids for breakdown in marriage & causing problems. Wants to send them both away. Me - in the middle. love my kids & husband. Feel like I have to choose between. Totally broken. Don't know what to do. Feel pain.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, we're talking obsessive father, verbally abusive and threatening., and evading personal responsibility for the problems he causes, preferring to blame the kids. Can't you persuade him into marriage counselling rather urgently ? Even if he needs to start by seeing it as a way of agreeing on better disciplinary procedures, so long as he gets into a situation with you and a therapist, in which he might be helped to understand how he is undermining you, your chuildren, and even himself

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