Posted by: Cathy | 2009/09/16

compulsive liar

I never thought I would ever be writing to anyone asking for help with this sort of problem! Nevertheless, it' s a VERY big problem.
I' m, what I can only term as, a compulsive liar. I lie every day.
It only occurred to me the other day how bad it really is when I was considering a suicide because I was too afraid to divulge the truth to some friends of mine. I had told lie after lie, and basically dug myself into a huge hole where one lie required the next to keep the story going. I continually lie to my friends, family, mere aquaintances, clients, colleagues... The worst part is that, in the moment, I feel the need to lie, but when I reconsider it days after, I see that the truth actually would have fitted much better! I do have a few secrets that need to be kept, however I have to stop lying about the simple stuff. I feel like everything anybody knows about me is a big sweet lie made to make me look OK. How do I stop this engrained habit? I feel that I can' t even speak to my psychologist because I end up telling her lies too, AND it hurts too much to tell her that I have actually lied to her.

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Our expert says:
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OK. If you're telling the truth about being a liar, you have made the first really big step forward, by recognizing it and admitting it. And if it's getting to the point that it creates for you problems where uyou even briefly consider suicide, it's way past time to bring this under control. CBT, Cogniitive-behaviour Therapy, would be the best way to do this, working with a good local therapist / counsellor.
Lying, as you've found out, creates it's own momentum, with fresh lis to try to cover old ones, and the difficulty of remembering what lie you told to who ( remembering the truth is quite hard enough, without complicating it. ) You keep secrets by just not talking about them, not by lying about them.
Start by telling the truth, about your lying, to your psychologist. If she has any skill, she must surely have realized what has been going on. But if she is using analytic type methods rather than CBT, she's way out of date, and you would probably do better with a more modern counsellor

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Our users say:
Posted by: Cathy | 2009/09/17

Thanks CS. Will give it a go.

Reply to Cathy

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