Posted by: Need Nickname | 2008/06/14

Completely Destroyed - what do I do now?

Hey guys, I am sitting with a bit of a screw up on my hands and need help, asap.

My girlfriend of 2.7 years, exactly today, went to the UK on Sunday night. We haven't been getting along at all lately (I posted previously about her having an 'online affair') and she wanted to go to the UK to sort her head out and do some growing up.

I know I was dumb in taking her back after the whole episode and continued to support her to fulfil her dream to go to the Uk, mainly financially. I even borrowed the last money for my mom to let her go.

This week was rough in the sense that I didn't hear from her much and there was news that she was going to get deported, etc. Her mom refused to let me know what was going on and I kept receiving 5 line emails that didn't really explain much.

Well, last night, she was online, and told me to go into a chat program we agreed to use to keep in contact. And what does she show me on her webcam? Her and this girl kissing.

She honestly went to the UK to go be with her.

Apart from the fact that I am completely shattered, (could she not just have broken up with me? But show my on FN webcam!!!) I now sit with another problem. I owe my mom a lot of money still. She is a hairdresser and left all her equipment here, prob to the value of about R10 000. She also left a bunch of clothes and all her certificates proving that she is a hairdresser. I just received a message saying she was sorry and that her mom would come fetch her last stuff sometime.

Should I give her stuff back to her?

At this stage, I want to burn it all.

We have built up our home together in the last two years, and have bought many expensive things together. What do I do now?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Need Nickname and thanks for posting.

Yikes! You've been solidly screwed and I'm wondering how this was allowed to happen... Two key issues emerge: 1) what should/could you do, and more importantly, 2) what can you learn about yourself from all of this?

The loan is between you and your mom, but was there any agreement that your ex gf would somehow pay you back? If not, could you try to negotiate this with her? Try to get a written agreement on some form of payback from your ex gf before you release her goodies to her mom? You may need to get legal advice....

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: tink | 2008/06/19

hey need nic... i'm sorry you got hurt... regarding the money... did you guys have an agreement for her to pay it back?... and the other stuff... will it mend your heart if you destroyed it all? ... destroying her stuff won't destroy her or make her feel the hurt she has caused in you ... it's time for you to heal... create a safe space for yourself... forgive yourself... love yourself

biggest hug!

Reply to tink
Posted by: anon-i-mouse | 2008/06/16

don't let the mother get her hands on the stuff, if you bought it together then you are more entiltled to it than the mother.... get what you can out of it, at least to pay your mom back...there's just no accounting for the human race is there? keep your chin up, you are clealy better off with out her!!

Reply to anon-i-mouse
Posted by: T | 2008/06/14

damn! me, personally? i would sell what i can to repay my mom. that which i cant sell... i would take a hammer to it before her mom comes to collect. there is never any excuse to hurt someone like that, she should have had the balls to tell you to your face.

Reply to T

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