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Question
Posted by: Wife | 2010/03/12

Communications problems in marriage

Hi
My husband and I do not communicate well. I feel I cannot talk to him. Sometimes I feel like my issues are small and then i would rather tell someone else. Sometimes i have problems like at work or family, then i tell him but the response is usually that he doesnt know the situation. Sometimes if i talk to him about an issue. He just looks at me and says nothing, then he will ignore me after that and not initiate any conversation. I approached him about it and he says he doesnt know what to say. It has been happening for the past 4 years since we been married. It is so frustrating to talk to someone and they dont answer you back. Even when i am cleary very upset with something he wouldnt ask me about it, he would rather ignore it. Then when he overhears me telling a friend or my mom, he asks why i dont tell him this and acts surprised. It is so frustrating..sometimes after i tell him something, i look at him waiting for a response and he just looks away and says nothing..even if i stare at him for a couple second even i minute...he wont say anything. He doesnt even say that it will be okay, i musnt worry. He says nothing, then i get a knot in my chest becase i am so frustrated by not getting an answer, then i get angry...he even says i must tell him what he must say, i have even told him what to say..which i dont know why becuase i know then its not genuine responses. PLease help. How must I get through to him, when something is bothering me...he doesnt even comfort me when i have a problem. I come from a household where my mom and dad supported each other...after 4 years...i am still not getting that support..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage counselling would provide an excellent space within which to discuss these issues. It may well be that you are expecting a degree of empathy and wisdom he just doesn't gave, and he means it when he says he doesn't know what to say. Especially, he may just not understand what it is you are expectng and wanting, and therefore doesn't know how to respond in a manner that would satisfy you.
You may be expecting the sort of responses you saw between your own parents, and which he may never have seen or learned.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/12

Marriage counselling would provide an excellent space within which to discuss these issues. It may well be that you are expecting a degree of empathy and wisdom he just doesn't gave, and he means it when he says he doesn't know what to say. Especially, he may just not understand what it is you are expectng and wanting, and therefore doesn't know how to respond in a manner that would satisfy you.
You may be expecting the sort of responses you saw between your own parents, and which he may never have seen or learned.

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