Posted by: old but not yet cold | 2008/06/12

Communication barrier

Hi there,

I am a firm believer that it is NEVER too late, but do have to wonder about my abosule wonderful, gorgeous husband.

We have been together for over 30 years. But any emotional subject or topic is tabool he is a doer not a talker. Many of you would say well then what is the problem.

Well the problem is that I need more, I need affirmation, verbal etc. he never tells me that I look good or bad, I have to ask do I look alright. He never ever wants to talk about sex, his reply is, well we are doing it. I almost feel ashamed to not be satisfied as he is a good prover, works himself to a standstill etc. Yet I yearn for more. If any man as much as shows me an act of kindness I just about have an orgasm, excuse me for being so rude. Over the years I have approached this subject millions of times and it always leaves me more frustrated than ever. He has in turn even attended a communications one on one session which lasted for a few months. But he is able to manipulate even this situation. How can I switch off what I need because I have given up trying to get him to open up about what is really going on with him on the inside. I am left feeling that I am the problem and not a good wife.

Has anyone else had this kind of experience? Is there help out there or do I have unrealistic expectations

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Our expert says:
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Your expectations are not unreasonable, but having accepted it for 30 years, he's not very likely to change now. Marriage counselling just might achieve something, but only if he saw it as needed and was prepared to work at it sincerely. A-L is right --- oranges remain oranges.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zola | 2008/06/12

I know what you are saying. I have the same problem. My bf doesn't see the need to tell me that he loves because I am supposed to know....but it just feels good to hear it even if you know. Ow well!!!

Reply to Zola
Posted by: old but not yet cold | 2008/06/12

thanks for the prompt comments. Dear C.S marrage counselling is not his cup of tea!

Honestly speaking this is how he was from the beginning.

I hear you loud and clearly

I must cherish the positives and not yearn for what has never been. As a T shirt read. Put on my big girl panties and deal with it

Reply to old but not yet cold
Posted by: Anti-love | 2008/06/12

Oh sweetheart, I hear you. Is this the man you married? Has he been like this since the beginning? If YES, then you have unrealistic expectations. Maybe I'm wrong, but if you buy an orange don't try to change it into an apple after a while. Good luck, sweetheart!

Reply to Anti-love

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