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Posted by: Whattodo | 2005/11/20

Coming down

Started the weekend feeling strong. I felt happy and confident that although I still miss her I was making good progress and soon everything would be ok. I had an excellent Friday night out with her cousin who is a long time friend of mine. We had a blast and met many interesting people.

However, last night as I sat alone something he said started playing in my mind and now all the pain is back. He mentioned that it was a shock to the entire family that myself and his cousin had broken up. He said that even her mom had told his mom that she was certain that I was the man that would marry her daughter. All this brought back the confusion. I know this is what she felt too and the fact that she was then able to just let go of all of that in a flash after one fight destroys me inside.

It hurts so much at times I feel like I am going mad. What hurts even more is that she has rearranged everything in her head and convinced herself that it's all good and that she did the right thing and caused no pain. She has moved on seemingly as if nothing happened.

When I met her after the break up 2 weeks ago she had me almost convinced that we could sort things out and perhaps be friends but she isn't even capable of that. She has moved on completely. Unbelievable!! What a shock.

I'm so tired of this pain and of all this thinking. I'm getting frustrated ith myself and my inablilty to put this behind me. I haven't contacted her since deciding not to. At least that. I just want this to end now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Stop playing old recordings, and insist on remaining in the present. You are like someone who tramped on a drawing-pin, who, instead of pulling it out, cleaning the fot and continuing to walk, is standing there, re-impaling yourself on the pin again and again. It is YOU who is refusing to let go of the past, and insisting on dragging it into the present and to drag it with you into the future. Let Go. You are NOT "unable" to let go, you are refusing to do so, and probably at some level still hanging onto a highly unrealistic hope that somehow magically it will all work out. It won't. And you are so busy wrapping yourself up in the past, that you are avoiding the present and future. And you sound seriously under-occupied. get into vigorous Gymn workouts, hobbies, extra work --- keep busy, and give up on this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: mango-girl | 2005/11/21

I truly sympathise with you and as hard as it may b you will have to get over this, having said this however I know too that you can only let go when you are ready too.

Be patient with yourself. Everyone you meet in life is their for a season, they come and go, try instead find out what was the reason you were destined to meet and did it serve its purpose, if not for you then for her and you know maybe not now what one day certainly she will realise what she took from your relationship.

What however did you take from it.

Be strong and hang in there

Reply to mango-girl
Posted by: :) | 2005/11/20

Dont be so hard on yourself. I think a breakup is the same if not worse than losing a loved one. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process and remember that these things dont happen overnight.

I realised for me personally, when a relationship has ended I have to break all ties with them. I cant keep mutual friends and even though I had become really close with their parents I sacrificed that relationship to facilitate my healing. I could not move on without doing so. I found that everytime I was getting things together something would come and kick me in the butt again - it just wasnt worth it.

Allow things to take its course naturally and just keep in mind that you both loved each other very much but now its time to move on to better things..and I promise you, just when you think theres no light at the end of the tunnel something comes along and you are in a WOW moment :)

Best wishes xxOxx

Reply to :)

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