Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/04

Cold fish husband expects affection when it suits him!

My husband is a very unaffectionate person who showed his true colours only after we got married, he told me soon after our marriage that I have an unusally high sex drive. With time I have become withdrawn w.r.t affection towards him because he usually pushes me away. He doesnt even kiss me, not even a hello and goodbye peck, much less a passionate kiss, only when he wants to have sex he would kiss me, so I told him a few months ago that I would prefer it if he completely stops kissing me because he doesnt see it fit to kiss me hello or goodbye but its fine for him to do it when he wants sex, so I asked him to stop. As you can imagine, I have no passion left for him because he killed it, but he doesnt get that, and he still expects me to switch it on when he decides he wants to have sex, and I honestly dont feel like it, I just want him to do it and get off me so I can sleep in peace...first prize is I would like to leave him but its not as simple as that, so when I am there in the situation and he does wanna be intimate, what the heck do I do? I love sex but Im hating it with my husband, and its terribly painful for me because I never wnted to end up in amarriage like this.
He refuses to go for marriage counselling so thats not an option. Is it ridiculous to divorce a person if you feel the marriage is loveless? Because thats what my marriage is

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Our expert says:
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Thism must have been very disappointing for you. And his reaction is rather typical of someone who wants to ignore the sinificance of a problem they are involved in --- raher than facing the fact that he may be cold and sexually inhibited, he blames you for wanting too much. And sex onl when he wants it, is inconsiderate. But these problems could probably be solved within marriage counselling --- except that he refuses this, presumably because he fears what he might have to reveal about himself, and doesn't want to look like the one to blame.
You'd need legal advice, but one can, I think, seek a divorce on the grounds that a marriage has irretrivably broken down and is loveless --- especially if your spouse refuses counselling or other potentially helpful interventio.

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Our users say:
Posted by: No No No | 2009/05/05

Firstly let me say that many many many guys wished they married someone who had an above average sex drive !! What a pleasure ! I think Mr Fish has a screw loose. I would simply return the cold fish approach with the all too familiar " uh uh not now"  us poor guys hear all too often. YOU can then decide when the time is right and believe me you will see the signs sticking up a mile !! (LOL) If no resolution results, then cut the relationship ' cos you can' t go on living like this for the rest of your life !

Reply to No No No
Posted by: Cath | 2009/05/04

Give him a chance, love him the way you used to love him before you got married, he will turn around to be a good husband. perseverance is always the mother of success.

Reply to Cath
Posted by: Liza | 2009/05/04

He sounds very selfish. And no, divorce under your circumstances shouldn' t be strange at all. If he refuses to go for counseling, there is no way that things will improve and then (as I see it) divorce is the only option.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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