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Question
Posted by: Duke | 2004/11/17

Cold as ice

OK, this is what my problem is. My wife, 31, (10 years married) is acting very cold towards me, no love or affection and sex is nonexistent, but there are certain things that bothers me that she does that really troubles me. If I confront her, she gets angry and says I don't trust her, so how do I know what's going on in her head, am I to blind to see the truth or is it normal behavior for some woman or am I just over-reacting? Lately she has been doing certain things like:

Buying and wearing revealing and tight clothes
Buying sexy underclothes
Trimming her pubic area very short, which she never did before
Buying expensive creams for cellulite which she uses every night
Obsessed about her weight and exercises almost every night

Now why does a women do all these stuff to be sexy, but is as cold as ice?!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, Duke it does sound a little confusing, like a mixed message. What she's doing sounds so much like a woman who is really trying to attract a man's sexual interest and attention, presumably yours --- yet you say that she's acting cold towards you. And when, instead of explaining, someone gets excessively angry, defensive, and accuses you of not trusting them, this often means that they actually do have something to defend, and that they know you have reasons not to trust them. Sould she perhaps be having an affair with someone else ? Or, as Kay says, maybe planning one ?
Take Chelle's point seriously, but I have never heard of a woman trimming her pubic hair just to make herself feel confident, and not for someone else to appreciate. And if she has indeed done this before, the chances are greater that it is happening again.
Carol --- surely the person who has the absolute duty to communicate honestly and not avoid it, is the wife, in a situation like this ? She's done it before, and is behaving exactly as if she is doing it aain, and refusing to discuss it ---- if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, maybe it's time to buy duck-food ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nina | 2004/11/19

Hey Duke catch a wake up man, damn I wish I had a man like you, special birtdays nad valentines days.
Valentines day, I last saw my man before he went to work,spent the night with his ex,saw him the next morning.
No supper for my birtsdays and I have to fetch and carry ever thing he puts into his mouth.Why don't woman appreciate good men.Oh she's cheating on you alright, my man has all the same symtoms, and I know his cheating on me.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: Nina | 2004/11/19

Hey Duke catch a wake up man, damn I wish I had a man like you, special birtdays nad valentines days.
Valentines day, I last saw my man before he went to work,spent the night with his ex,saw him the next morning.
No supper for my birtsdays and I have to fetch and carry ever thing he puts into his mouth.Why don't woman appreciate good men.Oh she's cheating on you alright, my man has all the same symtoms, and I know his cheating on me.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: nics | 2004/11/18

Duke, I can tell you this:
I'm a woman and the ONLY time we obsess about pubic hairs and sexy underwear is for a man to appreciate - expecially when she has never been like that before. Yes we feel good and confident when feeling sexy and making heads turn BUT we dont walk around in underwear. Other than or a man to appreciate, we'll also trim the hairs for hygienic reasons, bikini line and wearing great underwear feel good but do not obsess about it. When it reaches that level then its definately for someone else's eyes - and by the looks of it, it's not yours.

Carol is missing the point here. Whether Duke is telling the full story or not is irrelevant. The bottom line is, he's questioning the behaviour and clearly she's behaving like someone having an affair. Why she's doing this is another matter he has not requested advise on.

Reply to nics
Posted by: Carol | 2004/11/18

Amazing .. the jury has decided .. and declared the one who cant defend herself guilty.

Maybe a little honest communication will solve this problem ??

Reply to Carol
Posted by: AA | 2004/11/17

Dont feel alone my man, it happened to most men on this site, if i where you and i am almost there again like you, this time let her go and dont let her come back ever again lets see she cam back after the first affair with in the first six months after the a hole lef her and told you she made a udge mistake, mmmm, and that you two must try again ext ext!!! this time let her go she whants something new give it to her there are a lot of woman that whats some one with your abilities and love, just dump the dum ass bitch!

Reply to AA
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

I wish my hubby would tell me all those things... and make my birthday and valentines special. Some people just dont know when they've got it good!!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Duke | 2004/11/17

Well, I did not want to use the word "affair", and it wont be the first time either, but I forgave her and thought she learned a lesson last time. Looks like I'm the sucker once again.
I have really tried my best, for the children's sake, telling her how much I love her, making her birthday and Valentine's day special, handmade cards with my own poems to her, breakfast in bed, helping her get a degree, helping in the house, telling her how sexy she is and what she means to me etc.etc. and all she can say is "I don't mean what I say to her".
I can't believe it, after all I have done for her, why, oh why me .....

Reply to Duke
Posted by: Avenging angel | 2004/11/17

Hahahaha sorry for laughing but chelle sorry that girl is having a affair as sure as I live the fact that she deffens and does all that for him??? I dont think so, Duke I have been there and beleave me from what you deside that is aczactally what happened to me before I found out the "TRUTH"!!! She is f...ing around and let me tell you do do all that it is not casual ether!!! Best off luck you gona need it!!!!!!

Reply to Avenging angel
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/17

Don't just assume she is having an affair. Perhaps she has not been feeling very good about herself and is taking the time to feel sexy. If a woman doesn't feel good about her body, it often happens that she doesn't want to be physical - It's just another option for you to think about.
Have you told her how sexy she is lately? Have you taken time to let her know that you have noticed? Maybe this is the approach she is looking for.
She might need your words to help encourage her about her sex appeal.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: Mona | 2004/11/17

Sounds like an affair... does she get home late in the evenings? Check out what she does lunchtimes....

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Zee | 2004/11/17

She is definately having an affair. If I were u I would start investigating further.

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/17

Sounds like shes either having an affair - or is planning on having one. From what you say I'd say she is already having one - the whole trimming the pubic hair makes me think this....

Reply to Kay

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