Our expert says:
This sounds like a truly uncomfortable predicament. On the one hand, if I understand you correctly, you are already living life with your husband as a HIV+ person, which appears to mean that you take precautions and look after your life. On the other hand, you live with uncertainty and a strong desire to be HIV-, also for your mom's sake.
My guess is that this uncertainty is causing both you and your mom permanent stress, stress that can never be dealt with unless you do the test. If you cannot go through with it without her support, I would recommend both you and your mom to go for counselling prior to doing the test, so that you can both be sure you're as ready as possible for the result. Of course, you can also decide to go through it on your own, with adequate counselling beforehand.
The bottom line is: Make getting tested an important goal in your life, but take time to prepare for it, e.g. by praying and visiting a counsellor beforehand, without the obligation to test.
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