Posted by: Laydee | 2005/11/25

Coco, Pepper, Thia, Counsellor

Hi, I am also in the same boat. Hubby tested +, just after i had a baby. It is still dificult for me, though we are happily living +- life. I took test and came back -, and i have not been for the second time. I am too scared. I am terrified. I think i still enjoy believing that i am negative. Well, It's been a year since we have known and i guess here we are, surviving.

I need to go for second test, but i do not have the guts to do it. My mom is the only one that knows about this from my side of the family, and on his side all of his family members know. I have all the support from my mom and i would like to ask her to come with me for second test, but at the same time i am scared she will die if the tests come out positive. It's still a bit tough for me as i am not certain about my status.

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Our expert says:
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Hi Laydee!

This sounds like a truly uncomfortable predicament. On the one hand, if I understand you correctly, you are already living life with your husband as a HIV+ person, which appears to mean that you take precautions and look after your life. On the other hand, you live with uncertainty and a strong desire to be HIV-, also for your mom's sake.

My guess is that this uncertainty is causing both you and your mom permanent stress, stress that can never be dealt with unless you do the test. If you cannot go through with it without her support, I would recommend both you and your mom to go for counselling prior to doing the test, so that you can both be sure you're as ready as possible for the result. Of course, you can also decide to go through it on your own, with adequate counselling beforehand.

The bottom line is: Make getting tested an important goal in your life, but take time to prepare for it, e.g. by praying and visiting a counsellor beforehand, without the obligation to test.

Keep strong!

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Brett | 2005/12/01

By praying?????

Reply to Brett
Posted by: Thia | 2005/12/01

guys am just happy i've found people i can relate too.

Reply to Thia
Posted by: Laydee | 2005/12/01

I am already living a positve life. I accepted the fact that i might be positive, but i do not want to test positive. We eat healthily, We've been condomising 99.9% of the time even before we discovered that he was positive.

Reply to Laydee
Posted by: coco | 2005/12/01

Hi Pepper,

At your local government clinic or hospital there should be psychologist. You need to get help as soon as possible. The sessions should be first with your husband because he needs to understand and accept his condition before anyone else can. Then you should have joint sessions. I think this is a delayed reaction to your situation and if you don't deal with it properly, it will end your marraige. Also, I know this is a trying time for you and it's even worse if there's no one to talk to, but be careful who you tell about your current situation. People aren't always skilled to deal with this kind of information so rather speak to a professional. Enquire in your area about shrinks and see who charges the least. Even if you go for one session a month, it's important that you do. Do you have medical aid and what are your benefits. Feel free to post a message addressed to me when you need to let things out. I will check regularly.

Reply to coco
Posted by: Pepper | 2005/12/01

Hi there Coco and the rest of the ladies

Thanks so much for being there. I'm going through a really tough time with my husband at the moment. He is in absolute denile and its stressing us out big time. It's causing so much friction that you guys are the only ones i cant talk to who'll understand.
Dont know what to do as there are aboslutely no councellers here that we can talk to.. and the shriks rates are absolutely rediculous!
Went to see my best friends 2 week old daughter last night and that made is worse for me (they do not know our status yet), but trying to keeping strong.
Thanks again and God Bless you guys

Reply to Pepper
Posted by: coco | 2005/12/01

Hi laydee & ladies

It's been a while since my last posting. Today being aids day is quite a heavy thing knowing that we are part of the statistics. Though I am not infected with the virus, I am affected by it. Laydee, the only thing I can suggest is that you do the test as soon as possible. There is no point in putting it off. Whatever the result is you will have to deal with it and there's no getting away from it. I did my last test the week before my 28th birthday. I had to do it for insurance purposes and I drove around with the doctors form in my bag for a whole week. I also live close to the doctors rooms where the blood must be taken, the same rooms where we were diagnosed the previous year, so imagine the feeling of fear that history will repeat itself after testing negative twice. Anyway, one day I just told myself get it over with and I did the test. Luckily my financial advisor, is also a friend and he knows about my husbands status. He was very supportive and knew why I delayed going for the test. He phoned me the friday before my birthday and said that he has the best present for me, the policy was approved and that meant that I tested negative again. The feeling of relief was undescribable. The point to my story is; after my husband was diagnosed I realised that I would have to go for a number of tests to confirm that I'm negative, however I immediately started living with so much caution. Having protected sex, making sure I have surgical gloves in the house should I need it, had sessions with a clinical psychologist. When my final results came, I was so used to living with this disease that everything these days comes natural. Laydee, I suggest you go with your husband when you get tested, go for counselling immediately; clearly you have a lot of issues to work through. Pepper my dear, we can never ever prepare ourself for death, no matter how hard we try. Even if we are negative we can die at any time. We could be killed by accident, murder or even a simple illness like flu these days and there's no way you can prepare yourself. Taking the 2nd test will allow you to make informed choices about you LIFE. Yes, you have a life after testing positive for HIV, I know this I'm living that life with my husband. Don't ever give up on yourselves ladies, it's your life, live it.

Reply to coco
Posted by: Thia | 2005/12/01

i think that a great idea you donty want to get depressed this time, my boyfriend tested positive in DEC 5 2004 and that was the worst festive of my life..........But Girls its all good now my son is infect NEGATIVE............mhUUUUUUUUUU......thanks.GOD

Reply to Thia
Posted by: Laydee | 2005/11/30

Ya, Thia, I understand your position. Hope your son is ok and it is not what you think. Yep, i will go for second tests soon but let me enjoy my Christmas first.

Reply to Laydee
Posted by: Pepper | 2005/11/28

Hi there Laydee/Thia
I have to go to for a second test, although i want to stay negative, its no point in putting it off. It's better to know and then we can make sure we are eating right and living healthy.
Im just amaized that for the past 5 years i have not been infected. Shouldnt say that until i know for sure.
Don't worry about your son, even if he is positive at least he has 2 loving parents that will do anything for him.
I cannot imagine how you must be feeling but i know that if both hubby and i are positive, i do not want to burden my child with this virus.

Reply to Pepper
Posted by: Thia | 2005/11/28

hi Guys
am very stressed my son is sick.....i think my time has came to test him but am terrified i dont know how i will survive if the test are positive,As for you guys going for the second test i think they will still be Neg...Good luck

Reply to Thia
Posted by: Laydee | 2005/11/28

Thanks for the advice, But God this is tough for me. Though after testing negative, i still hope and pray and also want to believe that i can never be positive. My heart is always at the doctor's door step but my legs won't carry me there.

Please put me on your prayers.

Pepper have you got the guts to go?

Reply to Laydee
Posted by: Pepper | 2005/11/25

Hi there Laydee
Im glad that you have had a child and envy you in a way, you have to stay positive for him/her. I also need to be tested in january and feel the same, i want the tests to be positive.

My husband is still emotionally unstable at the moment, i think he is uncertain about our and his furture.

Lets incourage each other to go for the second test... it's not going to be the end of our lives. Even if it's positive, at least we will prepair ourselfs for death .... one day, where as if it is negative we do not prepare and go on as if life will never end.

Reply to Pepper

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