Our expert says:
Apologies for the delay in response.
Difficulty experiencing orgasm can be due to a number of factors. For example: the side effect of medication, fear of letting go, inadequate or insufficient stimulation by partner and yourself. Penetrative sex is not the easiest way for a woman to experience orgasm, so if you are relying just on that then you are likely to struggle a bit. I would recommend that in a RELAXED environment (i.e. no disturbances, you feel safe and secure/private), you learn about your own sexual response and what touch/stimulation you like. It would help to have some lubricant as this enhances sensation, and if you feel comfortable, a vibrating sex toy could help you to find stimulation that you find pleasurable. You need to respond to your body - in other words, if it begins to feel too sensitive or even numb, change the stimulation or the pressure. ON average a woman will take up to 15 minutes to experience orgasm, but this is less likely if she is distracted, tense, or pressuring herself to experience this. Most important - focus on the sensations and go with what your body wants. Try to just enjoy the experience with no expectations of orgasm - chasing it makes it less likely to happen. If you would like more input than this, there are some good books available (e.g. Becoming orgasmic) but you could also consult a sex therapist in your local area. See also the SASHA website: www.sexualhealth.co.za
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