Posted by: David | 2007/05/28

Chubbie chaser

Hell everyone, I've been reading your posts and responses and value this space. My question is this: I've been alone for most of my life, I'm now 42 and have given up on meeting someone who would love me and be true to me. This sounds gross to me too but let's be honest, I'm what gay people call a chubbie. Overweight. Three months ado I met a guy aged 36 who has an incredible magical personality and is seriously good looking, in every possible way - handsome, a fantastic smile, and an incredible physique. The exact opposite of what I look like. Obviously I was charmed by him but held back but he seemed to take the lead, in spite of my belief that he's faking it, and it turns out (so he says) that I am what he wants and that, in the same way I am a 'chubbie', he's been called a 'chubbie chaser'. Obviously this didn't go down to well with me (who likes woning up to fact that he's over-weight?) and I kept pushing him away while he kept on insisting that we be together. This all seems too good to be true but he really seems sincere and I'm having toquestion the fact that maybe, just MAYBE, there's someone out there for everyone?

Sorry about that long paragraph you good folk, I get a bit carried away sometimes but this young fella's being resolute that he wants to be with me and I'm starting to believe him, strange as it sounds, so I'm letting my barriers down.

Could I be making a mistake?

No-one has EVER said, out loud, that he WANTS to be with me and loves me as I am. No question I suppose other than 'can I trust this guy?'

It feels kinda scary to get so close and I'm scared it'll be whipped away from me.

I welcome EVERY comment you can make.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi to you David, a warm welcome to the forum and thanks for posting.

I'm always intrigued by the way in which we create labels and identities for ourselves and each other, such as 'chubbies' and their admirers, 'chubby chasers'. Yet another way in which we place a definite emphasis on bodiliness and appearance, and develop a crazy social hierarchy that excludes aspects such as personality, interests, ambitions, fears, values, social skills and needs. We often see each other only as physical (frequently sexual) beings, and often 'judge' each other accordingly. What's even worse is that we often value OURSELVES accordingly.

Fortunately we don't all have the same values, interests or preferences and many people see beyond the superficial.

You've somehow been 'programmed' to think that you're not worthy of desire or love, and I'm chuffed that someone has come along and is trying to prove that indeed you are desirable and loveable. Don't play so hard to get :) Take a risk - your sense if that he's being sincere so follow where he leads you and enjoy.

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Our users say:
Posted by: whatwhat24 | 2007/05/29


I'm a lesbian so not clued up on gay 'lifestyle' but my girl is 'curvy', whereas i am slim, and i can't tell you how absolutely gorgeous she is and don't want her to change her body, ever!

so maybe your man is being honest? let us know how it goes


Reply to whatwhat24
Posted by: Joe | 2007/05/29

No offense if he is known as a chubby chaser he will only be with you if another one comes along.

Someone who wants to be with you will not say I like you because of your weight.

Kick him under the ass

Reply to Joe
Posted by: Deeve | 2007/05/29

Hey David,
Unfortunately, I can only say one thing to you...nothing ventured nothing gained !!
You are absolutely right, there is always someone out there for everyone, and yes, you might just have waited a long time...but possibly also by your own doing. Boost your self esteem a little, put on you 'best dress' so to say, and enjoy what is happing to you right now. Yes, of course you may get hurt if he leaves, but do you want to keep up the barriers, and never find the chance of happiness? Think about things this way. Say you only had fun for 6 months...would you see this as the best six months of your life, or would you bemoan the fact that you allowed yourself to be hurt...??? C'mon now, put your best foot forward, and see things for what they really are. Try and trust life and yourself just a little. Maybe test the Guy a little more, and see if he truely is what he says he is. Don't do obvious things that will make you look shallow, just set up dates etc, and see if they consistantly follow through. You will soon know if this Guy is for real or not. In the mean time, don't go buying wedding dresses etc..... and set yourself up for serious disappointment. Just relax and enjoy the exitement of this new found friend.
Lastly, maybe refrain from telling the Guy that you are scared that things will're the one who needs to heal.
Do post again and let us know how things are going.
Best of Luck!!

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2007/05/29

Hi David. If you do not try, you will always wonder. Remember we are n ot all the same, we do not all look the same, and what you perceive as the perfect body might be the direct opposite of what he considers the perfect body for him. Remember also, all relationships should have communication as a basis. So TALK TO HIM about it in a nice way, express your fears and take it from there. As you said you have been alone most of your life. This might be it. Enjoy it and practise safe sex. Take care.


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