Posted by: Family Feud | 2008/12/07

Christmas with the evil in-laws

Hi there. I hope you can help.

I' m in a really difficult spot, and don' t know what to do...because I feel hurt and betrayed, but also torn!!

My husband' s uncle, aunt and cousin have recently accused me of something that I did not do. I defended myself, by trying to explain the situation and it got so ugly from their side, that I was called all sorts of names and slapped across the face! Never in my life have I ever experienced this kind of thing, and I couldn' t believe they would stoop so low. It is now over a month later, and they say they will NEVER apologise as I am common and married my husband for money. They have tried putting me down and ruining my marriage with words due to jealousy - but I won' t let them get inbetween my hubby and I. We love eachother too much!

Now the holiday season is approaching and my husbands gran has organised a big family get together. I refuse to go! Am I being stupid in not wanting to see them and associate with such ugly, belittling people? I have said I will go to my family for Christmas day, but my husband says this will make them think that they have ' won'  in chasing me away.

Please help!! I am so confused, and can' t stand the thought of even looking at them...let alone pretending nothing has happened.


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Our expert says:
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Christmas is so often much more stress. It sounds as though the way his relatives treated you was awful. But if your husband loves you so much, I'd expect him to have defended you fiercely and to have made it very clear to these relatives that such behaviour will not be tolerated.
I understand why you would not want to do to a family gathering that would include these unpleasant people --- yet presumably it is something that would please his gran. You're not stupid in wanting to avoid getting hurt further. Your husband has a point in not wanting them to feel they have won in successfully driving you away from family gatherings. And it could give them a great opportunity to turn other relatives against you by telling their stories without you being there to defend yourself. Could he explain to his gran what has happened, and enlist other relatives in ensuring that you are treated with respect and a reflection of his love for you ? There's no need to pretend that nothing has happened. You can make it clear that neither of you wish to talk to those relatives, but be friendly to others.
What do other readers think ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Debi | 2008/12/08

Don' t go and to hell with what they think.If they can treat you like like this they are not worth it, honey even if you do go they will congregate and scandal about you, smile at you and stab you in the back.If and when they get drunk who knows what then.Don' t make yourself unhappy on a day like this, do what your heart tells you to do not for hubby or his disgraceful and badmouthing family.I woul steer clear of them.
I wouldn' t allow my hubby to go as well, that will teach them that they can' t do what they want and think they have the upper hand.
Show them you don' t need to be part of a violent family, send gramma a gift and a apology card, go to your people.Let hubby choose where he wants to go.

Reply to Debi

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