Posted by: lighty | 2005/11/18

Christian girl dating jewish guy - is it a lost case?

I am a Chrisitan girl and I am very good friends with a jewish guy. We have so much in common, he knows me so well, but he is not a Christian. Am I as a Christian not allowed to date him? We do not want to start something if it will be complicated for both of us and our religious beliefs. He thinks we can date as long as we dont force each other into our beliefs, but I do not know. PLS help.

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Our expert says:
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YOu seem to be asking in some ways, a religious question. As to what Christians are supposed to do or allowed to do, that varioes among different congregations, and is a question to discuss with your miniter and then think about his views and make your own decision. Simil;arly, within the broad Jewish faith, some communities are very conservative, others very liberal.
When it comes to dating and possible later marriage, it's a bit like dating / marriage across cultural or racial boundaries --- You need to think, after a while, about the attitudes of each person's family and community ( and vice versa ) ; and about how you will each handle issues such as how children would be brought up, eg regarding culture, customs, and religion, and so on.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jew Boy | 2015/10/25

Yes, intermarriage between Jews and nonJews is very difficult. I'm the "jew boy" many of you speak of. I'm agnostic and fell in love with a Christian girl that wasn't religious. I told her upfront that I would want our kids to be raised as Jews, not that they would have to go to Hebrew school, but that they would not go to church, be baptized and so on. She was fine with it all and was even willing to convert at first. So we married... then things began to change... the idea of converting was forgotten as if we never talked about it. Not that I pushed her. I was okay with her not converting, it would sort of be selfish of me to force her. I just wanted to make sure she isn't religious/practicing christian or that would definitely mean things couldn't work out. Few years down the road she started entertaining idea of putting crosses in our house. I told her no. I told her we discussed this up front. As you can see, some of us "jew boys" are willing to commit and even accept that the woman is not Jewish, as long as she doesn't practice other religion and or attempts to instill her nonjewish religion views onto the family/kids. It is also true that Jewish mothers would never completely accept their off spring marrying none Jew. I accepted this. My mother was never completely pleased. Anyway... she turned out to be a spoiled narcissist. After she figured out that I wasn't gonna support her financially the way she wanted, she became cold, rude, and eventually left me. Now, I learned a lot. This was my first long-term relationship. I wasn't truly looking for a marriage material girl, christian or jewish. I just fell in love and thought she was a sweetheart. It turned out I was wrong. She fell in love with me for other reasons. So having said this, what matters more is not that you marry your own faith or not but rather who you are marrying and for what reason. People have to be honest, say what they really mean, and know what they really want long-term. Otherwise, it won't really matter, you will end up miserable and or eventually divorced be it you marry same faith or not.

Reply to Jew Boy
Posted by: Anonymous | 2015/06/22

It is very difficult to meet the right one in this world People are mostly liars and hide their real intention I think i am a little bit lucky, because i met my hero on an online dating site do not be hopeless, there are still nice and honest people who can give you the love you deserve Life is short and it has no meaning without love. Thanks to god we have internet dating sites So you can try them as last resort to find your soulmate...

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: :) | 2005/11/21

Hi Yellow,

Im sorry to hear about about your friend. I work in the Jewish community and see numerous cases of a partner converting to Judiasm. Its a fairly simple procedure which works the same as any other religion. There are many that marry non- Jewish girls, I think it basically boils down to how traditional that individuals values are. I also see many cases of Jewish partners converting to their boyfriend / girlfriends faith.

Unfortunately this highlights a very important lesson. I think discussing religion is AS important as discussing having kids or any of the other fundimentals before persuing a serious relationship.

Best wishes

Reply to :)
Posted by: Yellow | 2005/11/21


My husband's best friend is Jewish and he has been dating a Christian girl for about 7 years. He will never marry her because it would make his mom go nuts. To all the rest of us she is crazy to stay with him, but she loves him and puts up with it. What will happen if she ever falls pregnant is anyones guess, but I can see how unhappy she is. She often talks of wanting children and he just smiles. He will just string her along and use her (and I am sure he does not feel that he is doing that) until one day she decides enough is enough and leaves him. He is not orthodox, just Jewish, and their faith says that they are to marry within it. I dont know how many Jewish guys go against this, but I see her situation and I feel very sorry for her, because she is hoping he will one day marry her and I doubt it.

Reply to Yellow
Posted by: Been there | 2005/11/21





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Posted by: Shocked | 2005/11/21

Btw Been there...generalizing = major ignor-anus

Reply to Shocked
Posted by: Bb | 2005/11/21

I didnt need to assume a thing, the facts speak for themselves. I have no doubt that she is in pain, but to say he left her because of his religious convictions is laughable. Believe that if it makes things any easier for you. If he is indeed religious, his actions would be frowned upon and his rabbi and entire jewish comunity would put pressure on him to do the right thing and take responsibility for his actions - fact.

No need to get upset darling, just relax ;)

Reply to Bb
Posted by: Been there | 2005/11/21

Bb, you could earn mega bucks from ignorant, gullible losers by giving them your in-depth advice and pearly words of wisdom. I'm not one of them. What do you know about my niece and her pain, to say he was just not into her? Obviously he wasn't. Now that's what I call ignorant, making assumptions about something you have no idea about.

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Bb | 2005/11/20

Been there, I find your post offensive. Referring to someone as a "jew boy" is unacceptable. This is what I cant understand..I know plenty of people in your nieces situation, why would you or anyone else think this is characteristic of the Jewish faith?? Just btw, in all the instances I am aware of its been Christian men. Do you think given the odds I would then say that its a Christian thing? Hopefully I would not be that ignorant.

When someone does something like that, I dont think it is characteristic of their religion, star sign, culture or nationality.

Its 2005, the amount of orthodox Jewish men who need to please mommy and be a good "jew boy" are in the vast minority and I can assure you chances are they would not get involved with your neice in the first place. What would be the point if theres no future together and an abundance of Jewish girls.

Im not Jewish but it really irks me to see that there are still a few out there like you. Common sense will tell you how much nonsense you talk.

As for your neice..perhaps he is just not that into her.

Reply to Bb
Posted by: Tango | 2005/11/19

I have been there- yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but the majority of Jewish men will always want to marry Jewish woman. Even if they are prepared to compromise, their families often put a lot of pressure on them to stay within the religeon.

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Jules | 2005/11/19


Sorry I meant GUY

Reply to Jules
Posted by: Jules | 2005/11/19


My sister has been married to a Jewish gay for 35 years now and she is a Afrikaanse girl. I don't think because one Jewish gay did this that every Jewish gay will do the same. I think that is a bit unfair.

Reply to Jules
Posted by: Been there | 2005/11/19

My niece was in the same situation as you. She lived with her Jewish boyfriend for 6 years, fell pregnant and she hasn't seen him since. He's not orthodox, always promised marriage, yet he wouldn't commit to her. She's raising a child on her own, without the emotional support of the father, and maintenance is not on the cards. He fled overseas to avoid his responsibility. Be very very careful, a Jew boy will take what he can from you, but when they get married, they stick to their own.

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