Posted by: CHILDREN AND MOTHERS RIGHTS | 2009/07/20


Hi, 2 years ago i got divorced. My boys are staying with my ex husband. Only see them every 2nd weekend. He says that i am not getting involved enough. However i work long hours and does not know how to fit all in? I would love to make another agreement to see them more. What should i do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hello concerned mother and thank you for sharing your concern.

An ending of a relationship, unfortunately, when children are involved, does not quite end. Even though we are engaging in different directions, we remain parents for the rest of our lives. For this reason and for the children's best interest, it is of utmost importance to learn to become good co-parents. Most criticism/ remarks about the other parent stems from unresolved anger. It is necessary to become aware of this and work on this anger in order to move forward in our lives. Being a non-custodial parent is as hard as being a single parent. Their father's motivation behind his comment may be that he is concerned that your sons miss you and/or that he is also, somewhat struggling a bit being a single parent.
Communication is key. You both have a common interest: Your sons. Make that your focal point. Express what you want and need while opening the space to hear what their father wants and needs. An arrangement was made, but everyone seems to agree that this arrangement needs to be modified, for the children's sake. Talk about it and agree to a better solution. If you cannot do it by yourselves, then seek professional help to guide you with communication tools.

Love and Gratitude
SADSA | The South African Dvorce Support Association

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