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Question
Posted by: sam | 2004/10/06

Children

Hi all, thanks for your response regarding the situation with the children. I am not the type of person who wants to end a friendship over this, but need to try and find a way to put it nicely that her daughter, cant always be right. I do believe that my daughter is at fault some of the times, but certainly not all the time and this child has a problem at each and every persons house she goes to. What would you suggest to say, when next getting together and her daughter comes running with the tales, whether ...is being rude, wont play with her or wont share something.Iwould like to try once more before ending it.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I like Shaun's idea of suggesting to your kids that because these problems are becoming troublesome, they try to play within sight and earshot of you AND her parents. If this is practical to achieve.
And otherwise, as I suggested before, simply discuss it with her, saying you recognize that your kid is at fault at times, as all kids are, but you're troubled that she seems to always assume that her kid is NEVER in the wrong, and that she isn't allowing the child to learn to defend and strand up for herself, but always intervening on the kid's side.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/06

Hey Sam,

Don't be too hasty now, wait a while, let's see what our favourite shrink (CS) has to say first before we decide, ok.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Sam | 2004/10/06

Thanks, Shaun. Im going to try your advice.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/06

Hi Sam,

Just my opinion, but do you think it's fair to put your kids through this? As one option would be to sternly talk to your kids insisting that whatever they do they must be close to or in front of you & your friend so you could monitor their behaviours, thereby limiting them.
You could also calmly initially bring it up with this friend, explaining that you don't think its fair that she always takes her kids part.
You could initiate a method whereby the parents have turns to watch over the kids.
You could suggest that she let her kid fight her own fights.
There are lot of ways to tackle this, & I'm sure if your friend is as determined about the friendship as you are, you guys will find a way of working through this.
Sometimes it just needs the right communication channels to open for reason to be seen. At the same time, be prepared for things to go out of proportion...

Best of luck Sam, please come back & let us know how it turned out as I would very much like to know.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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