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Question
Posted by: Sam | 2004/10/05

Children

I have two children aged 6 (boy),10 a girl. We are friends with a couple with two children the same age, but both girls. The other couples 6 year old, when getting together with us or other couples and their children, continously runs to her mother with statements like, Mommy ...wont play with me, or ..... hurt me, or .... is being rude. This is a problem with all the couples and just this specific child. Her mother will get up each time and correct the other child as to what her daughter is nagging about. I myself say to leave them to sort out, unless it gets out of hand, but she entertains the childs each and every tale. It has now come to a problem that when they come over, or visa versa, each and every time my daughter is the problem and her mother has now addressed it with me. I advised her that I believe they are both wrong, although indicated that 80 % of the time, its my daughters fault and she needs to stop being ugly. This problem never happens with my daughter unless the other child is around. She continously talks to children at school, about them being rude to her children,every resorting to discussing children being ugly with her children. What do you suggest to handle a situation of friends loosing their friendship over a child that enjoys the attention of creating an uncomfortable situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sopunds like a really unskilled mom in the other couple, who is teaching her daughter to be a thoroughly spoiled brat. She needs to learn that her little darling cannot possibly be always right, and always the victim of other children. Has it never occurred to this silly woman that it's really unlikely that the world is full of nasty children and her's is the only angel, who all the others pick on ? She and her child need counselling, but you're highly unlikely to be able to persuade them of that ! Why would you want to be friends with such a deluded and bad mother ? Drop them and find some other friends much more capable at parenting. And tell her, that you can't face the constant conflicts that always occur when her daughter is around, with the assumption that her kid is never responsible for any of the difficulties.
And hartbroken --- I never reply to questions added in the tail of responses to someone else's questions, and usuallyin this system I don't even see them. Do post your question as a fresh message, and then I'll see it and we can attend to it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Hartbroken | 2004/10/06

My Son is 17 Years old in Gr 11 he is banking school a lot I had spoken to him did wrote a letter to school they must contact me if he is not at school nothing happen and he did not when to school again for the last two days. I just lost it yesterday with him he is smoking aswell and I beleave his frends is the big problem. What can i do I'm a single mother he's got not contact with his dad for 5 year aswell not because of me His dad just don't whant to see him. He is a good mannered boy but this last year it is if he just change a lot.

Reply to Hartbroken
Posted by: carol | 2004/10/05

I lost many friends becaus eof the same drivel when my kids where small .

I would never get involved with kids quarrels and also i live by the "when in rome" so when kids came to play I expected them to behave according to my rules .. and if they didnt i would show them the door .. much to the annoyance of the parents ...

Kids today are too pampered for their own goods ... get the little devils away from the TV and out in the garden getting dirty where they belong would stop a lot of hassles .

However I notice today when my now adult kids 20/21 have visitors .... THEY make sure their friends behave and funnily enough I have always been very pouular amongst the kids ..probably because with me they know where they stand .

Reply to carol
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/05

Hi Sam,

I don't have any advice for you, but I do have a similar situation to tell you about.

I have a friend who went through the exact same thing. The adults began having arguments because of the kids. Eventually that couple was confronted about the issue, the still stuck by their kids, with the result that they were dropped by their long-standing friends.

Yes, not a good ending, but I guess sometimes we have to expect the worst.
Lets see what the others have to say about this?

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Chrissy | 2004/10/05

Its too late to worry about losing her friendship now. She has already confronted you about it so it shows where her thinking is. Do the same: understand that it is a choice between her and your child and the choice becomes obvious and easy.

There is no need to complicate yoru life with pther people's badly raised children - life is tough enough with this kind of rubbish.

Get a new friend.

Reply to Chrissy

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