Posted by: Gugulam | 2004/10/21

Child Support

Ladies I am in such pain, so angry do not know what to do.

I am getting divorce and have requested my husband to give me R3000.00 for child support , 2 kids(5 & 1 yrs), when I was staying with him he could hardly give me money to go but the lids clothes, if he bought food that was support for him, medical aid, clothes, entertainment for the kids that was myu proble.

Now he say he can only afford r1500.00 for both of them which is nothing. or R1000,00 then he will buy them clothes and I said no way he could not do that when I was with him. He also want the elder son to leave with him Iand I refused cause he has never shown any interest, alwayswhen he had any spare time he'd rather spent it dirnking with friend.

He want me to account as to how I came to R3000.00.

Can someone give me a break down of the most important issues that you might claim for.


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Our users say:
Posted by: cat | 2004/10/21

Hi daar,

Ek weet van iemand wat jou behoort te kan help met als, en wat jy wil weet. bnell at mcollect dot co dot za

Reply to cat
Posted by: Orie | 2004/10/21

R3000 is way too much ! Looks like to trying to spite him

Reply to Orie
Posted by: blackbird | 2004/10/21

just my opinion. and this realy gets to me, if you asking the farther to pay for about everything then if the farther turns around and says, well since i'm paying for everything, the kid might aswell come stay with him. A lot of women use children as a bargaining tool. If you calculate that the "running" costs of a child is R3000 then the dad pays R1500. It's both the parents child is'nt it. and if the dad pays medical, school fees and and and then that comes off the total amount. Now if the dads whant to get nasty they could get you the mother to start supplying invoices and stuff.

funny when the dads end up bringing up the children it is extremely hard to get maintenance out of the mothers !!!

Reply to blackbird
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/21

The maintenance act states that the parents are jointly responsible for the care of children, and their means are taken into consideration when the court decides on a amount.

I'm currently in a maintenance battle, and this is my advice: Draw up an Income and expenditure list with nothing lied about and nothing left out. Prove as many of your payments as possible. He has to give you a similar list. Now calculate the childrens' portion of the household expenses. For housing, water elect, maid, groceries, etc. children are considered as half a member of the family. All other things pertaining to only that child is a 100% need.

His salary is 2.8 times more than yours, therefore he is required to pay you at least two thirds of the children's expenses. To double check if you're not asking too much or too little, take his salary slip and calculate 25% of his nett earnings. He is by law required to pay between 25 and 30% of his nett earnings (not after house and car decuctions, only tax, medical and pension) towards maintenance.

Good luck!

Reply to lulu
Posted by: sherry | 2004/10/21

Heres my 2c worth,

In a perfect world each parent should be responsible for their childs/ren emotional and financial needs.

But unfortunately a lot of parents use this as a bargining tool agasint each other.

So it would really be wonderful if u guys could sit down a disscuss this like adults and do what is best for the children and not just yourselfs

Good Luck

Reply to sherry
Posted by: ntsikie | 2004/10/21

Hi Gugu,

As parents we all want the best for our childern. Our financial situations arent them same though. If you feel that R3000 will help with your children`s needs, then stick to that amount. Being a single parent is tough and every little bit helps. My baby is 11 months old, im still trying to get his father to assist me. I dont want much, just for him to show interest in his child.

Reply to ntsikie
Posted by: Lisa | 2004/10/21

I agree with "my opinion". Alot of women exploit men. I believe that when people get divorced - the women often forget that they also wanted the child and therefore should also contribute financially!

My current b/f has a 7yr old and besides maintenance of R4k, he pays school fees and any other exp related to school (activities and clothing), he also pays for medical aid. At the beg of the yr he had to pay the R200 for the stationery pack! The mother does not contribute at ALL. And its not like he pays and has no other responsibilities - he collects from school often, she spends weekends by us. And we also had to buy clothes cos she comes to us with all old, hand-me-down clothes from older cousins that are stained and too tight! This mother lives off her child - she does not work cos she does not have too.

The problem is that I am wanting a child but will have to come to terms with the fact that I will have to support our child 100% cos he can't afford to support another child - Now is that fair??

But to get back to the original question...I think you should take all costs invloved(as stated previous - ooh apparently you can also include the cost of the "science diet" food for your animals) and then get a cost per child. Then lets say it comes to R1500 per child. And because these are your children aswell - you can contribute maybe R500 and the father R1000 per child (you pay less cos you will also be looking after them). Now I think that is fair.

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: Doll | 2004/10/21

It will be good to divide the responsibilities between the of you and not simply make him for everything. R3000 sounds fair. How much will you be contributing towards their expenses.

Don't forget Babysitters, Nannies being a single parent is not easy you do need extra pair of hands.

Don't forget to educate yourself so that in future you can provide for your own kids if he chooses not to be invloved. Study something part time and get that better job or find another way to earn more money. Don't fight negotiate.

Reply to Doll
Posted by: Gugulam | 2004/10/21

To my opinion : I am not trying to exploit anyone here, my hubby has been abusing me financially from when my son was born, he now earns 28K where as I earn 10k, every month I have to overdraft from bank to cover up for other thing in the house that he does not buy or contribute to, before he pops out any extra money after buyin groceries I must show him what I have done with my money(budget), then he will say things like I am wasting money buyinh clothes for the kids, when taking then out on a Saturday for ice cream, he will say I waste, I now owe the bank r8000 from almost every month having to overdraft, and let me tell you my soon to be ex does not have time for his kids, and for that I will make sure that my kids get the best out of this whole deal, as financially alone I canno t cope.

Yes its a pity that other men get a raw deal out of their partner, but know one thing I want whats best for my kids !!

Reply to Gugulam
Posted by: My Opinion | 2004/10/21

This is just my opinion, so please bare with me. R3000 is a hell of a lot of money. I have my own daughter from a previous marrage, 6 month daughter from my husband and we are supporting his to sons, age 5 and 7 which we pay R1800 per month, excluding medical aid contributions / payments extra on any other money to be paid in, extra mural activities. We buy clothing from our side to be kept with us, as the kids were sent to us with old tattered clothing, bought toys which his ex hardly do for them. You name it, we pay it.

Basically we are supporting a household of 7 people, his ex included. What really peeves me off is the fact that she's expecting more and more, basically sitting back, enjoying the money which comes in, NOT contributing her part of the agreement. Under the impression its her RIGHT to earn more. She's sporting new clothes, new lounge suite, hair done, whilst I can't even remember the last time we as a 'family' could say, lets take the kids to the zoo.

A lot will agree R1800 excluding med aid etc is not much (to some), but my husband and I agreed on making provision for the kids IF something had to happen. We have life insurance, study policies, funeral policies for every member of our family. She, shouting, demanding more money, not bearing in mind that we have to have a roof over our heads, have to support 2 other kids, have to have food. To be honest I cannot remember the last time I bought groceries. The saddest is, her kids aren't important, she havent lifted a finger to make sure the kids are provided for if something should happen to her, that there is study policies. The father will do it!!!! So why make the effort.

I work my butt off, getting a good increase every year, basically I'm supporting 'my family' on this side, paying the house, the little bit of debt we have, day to day groceries whilst his salary goes to his sons maintenance and policies.

You'll have to make sure that if and when you claim maintenance that you contribute as well, "en ry nie net op die eend se rug nie". Every person is different and not all women / men are the same. When I got divorced I got a shock wrt my maintenance, which is R800 for a 12 year old daughter, including medical aid. After so many years, I just can't get more and in fact I gave up trying as she havent seen her father in 2 years and are lucky to get a phone call 1 in 4 months.

Thought all men were the same, till I saw the trouble men went through, always getting demands of more and more money!!! Quite frankly I'm sick of women exploiting men for their own personal gain. No pun intended, you might be different.

Good luck

Reply to My Opinion
Posted by: Kay | 2004/10/21

Remeber to add things like the medical aid, any insurance premiums that you pay for the kids or education policies (if any).

Reply to Kay
Posted by: D | 2004/10/21

I think you must take your living expenses into account, eg rent, water and lights, groceries, nappies, clothes (for them), toiletries, transport, creche fees, everything that you need to spend every month, and divide per person in the house hold, then take this amount and multiply by two (two kids). Anyway i think this is how it should work, I really dont think R3000 is that much, as children do not come cheap... hope this helped

Reply to D
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/10/21

Hi there,

I have no kids. but my b/f sister is in the same predicament. R3000.00 is nothing. Here's the most important i would say.

Nappies - No less than R500.00 Per month
Clothes for baby - as they tend to grow so fast
day mother/creche fees
School clothes - for 5 yr old
School fees
Money for extra mural activties or after school care.
clothes for 5 year old

I'm sure if you calculate, this will come to more than R3000.00

Hope you come right, and let us know what happens.


Reply to PARIS

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