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Question
Posted by: mathata | 2005/01/13

child problems

im currently involved with a man that has a child(not that im the first one to be in such).somehow whenever he talks about the child i get a sence of Jealousy and i feel very left out.especial when he talks about how he's going to spoil the child and so on.he doesnt do this often but whenever he does i just break down after wards.it makes me feel so excluded and not as important to him.and even though him and the mother are not so close,i still feel that him giving this baby so much attention,makes this women get the best of my man in a way when he goes there to see the child and all cause obviously he sees the child more than me. i cannot go with him there as we're not married.its not right.
in all this i also realised that im insecure and thats probably why i would have such hurtfull thoughts. i dont know how im going to deal with that!!
pls help!!!!

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Our expert says:
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See a counsellor to work on your own insecurities --- if you're so unsure of yourself as to feel threatened by a father's love for his child, you're not yet ready for a mature adult relationship. When you've finished your own counselling, you;ll be ready to look for a proper relationship, and you'll realize that you wouldn't want a man who was uninterested in his own child.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mags | 2005/01/13

I think i agree with Tt to a certain extent. Sometimes we as women tend to like being unreasonable. My partner has a child from a previous relationship and I must say it made uncomfortable the first time. But because I love the man, I accepted his child and always support him. I spoke to him, expressed my insecurity and believe it was just insecurity. I dont want to really get to involved with the child as it might intimidate the mother, but I even sometimes take initiatives that my partner does something for the baby. Accept that he has a child and learn to control your insecurities. Like Tt said single moms have a lot on their plate as well, and instead of being jealous over a child, spare a thought of what most of them tend to go through.

Reply to Mags
Posted by: Tt | 2005/01/13

I am not in anyway bitter. But reality is these days we meet partners who already have kids from previous relationships and if you are in such a relationship accept that the baby is there. Now all I was saying is instead of being insecure and having to compete with innocent souls like kids she should accept the situation. We as single moms also go through some problems and i'm sure the lady wouldnt like it if the mother of the child kept on interfering becoz the father is not there for his child. Rather he takes an initiative first than to have a bitter mom nagging and interfering in your relationship becoz of the child.

Reply to Tt
Posted by: Kay | 2005/01/13

Maybe instead of breaking down because of insecurities you should sit down and think that you should be proud to be with a man who still cares for his child - no matter what. The child is an innocent and your man is showing what a great dad he is and what a MAN he is by doing what is right with his child - who should come first and foremost in any parents life.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: . | 2005/01/13

To Tt:

You sound very bitter....like a single mom her can't get on with her life....

What Mathata feels is very common (coming from both male and females, with or without their own children).

It is also documented that divorce parents (especially fathers) OVER-COMPENSATE, out of guilt, with their children (which is not always benefically to the child).

So lets rather give her some encouragement on how to come to terms with this!

Reply to .
Posted by: tt | 2005/01/13

I'm sorry, to be harsh on you, but GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!. A child needs its father no matter what the circumstances are. I am a single parent and if there is one person that goes through hell is a single mom. She has to basically do most of the things alone. Now your man is one of the few that concentrate on their kids even after it doesnt work out with the mom, and should praise him for that. I think you need to built your self esteem and be proud of yourself. Its better that your man gives attention to his child rather than other women. Women like you irritate me. What next are you going to tell your man to stop seeing the baby, becos ur insecure. Deal with it now before it turns bad. Communicate with your partner about it and show support as that would atleast show him that you care. Either you act maturely or there are so many fatherless men out there, get yourself one if you cant handle the heat girl.

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