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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/29

Child Dad Cheesing me Off

Hi guys,
Today is a foul day, in an extremely bad mood, want to smack someone real hard or drive over this man. I wish that he would come right and pull his socks up or get the hell out of my life and my childs, she doesn't deserve to have a Dad like him, damnit I really hate that he is her father.
He is as said before a "fly by night", he does everybody in around him, he doesn't care about his childs future. He was supposed to pay her school and aftercare because he doesn't pay maintenance and is very far behind. Naturally now the aftercare and school are in arrears and I am very cheesed about this as I obviously do not have the funds to take care of it now, it is so far gone it ain't even funny. I suppose I have to wait for my bonus and the school and aftercare will just have to be patient. I will never depend on him again for anything and I will never trust anybody to be of help, not even the bf. Although the bf said's he loves me and all of that, that I'm his life, how the hell can I believe that...... Wish I could ....don't know what, just anything.....

I am so sick and tired of being caught in a catch 22 situation and not haviing a way out. If I ever help someone in my life again in anyway except advice may I get a cramp that makes me fold in half or something.

Please excuse me, letting off steam. Thanks for listening.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Steam away, BT, who wouldn't steam faced with the activities of such a worthless guy ? It's hard to believe that he gets by without any funds for himself --- have the Maintenance COurt people really checked up on him and his earnings, in detail ? If he works at all, can't they get a garnishee order to deduct an amount from every paycheck to cover what he owes you for the child ?
And maybe get yourself a nice plump cushion, and draw his face on it, and use it as a punch-bag at times like this.

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Our users say:
Posted by: from a daughter | 2004/10/29

hi bt

i am the daughter of a man like you describe here. i am now 28 years old and if it were not for the fact that he is my father, i think i would hate him. i just cannot bring myself to say that i hate my father, but it is not far off from that. i was born in another country, my father left the country to come to SA when i was 4 years old. my mother had mental health problems at the time and he wanted me put into an orphanage because he couldnt be bothered. thank the Lord for my grandmother who took me over at the age of 60. we then followed him to SA when i was 11 and yet still he showed no interest. never paid maintenance, never remembered my birthdays, never did anything. he didnt even know what school i went to. then he comes with this crap of his that he wants to make it up to me, i say ok, but then i never hear from him for another year. i am old enough now to get on with my own life and make my own decisions about my father. i dont like him, and i will not make an effort. let your child make that decision for herself as well. it must be terrible to be there, but your child will be ok without her dad. i still to this day do not consider myself as having a father. i think it is better that way for my own frame of mind. if he is anything like my father, it is a continual hassle sometimes not worth hassling about.

Reply to from a daughter
Posted by: lady nina | 2004/10/29

dear bt

let me just recap if i understand you correctly

you know this man is a "fly by night"
you know he is totally untrustworthy
you know he doesn't care about you or his kid

yet you get upset if he doesn't pay the school fees?

i would say he is a clever guy to know that he will get away with it and you my dear are really stupid to trust him after "knowing " all the above mentioned things

i should say you should rather be upset with yourself for being so gullible and not acting according to the facts you know are true, no reason to slap the man around , you are the one who deserves a slap, to wake up and see the thruth

get a court order to deduct the money from his salary to pay the school fees but how can you not check every month if he has paid it,surely that the least you could do is ask the principle if he pays and not leave it till it's so much that you have to use your bonus to catch up


nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/29

Nah it's kewl, I understand your need to vent so don't worry about the generalisation statement. I do understand that at the moment it is just a temporary feeling coz of your foul mood & you have all the right to feel the way you do.

Just vent as you need. Come back later when you cooled off a bit, you'll be surprised how much value are in your words.

Talk to you soon,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/10/29

Thanks Shaun, you are right and I do know I shouldn't generalise but you know I just am in a very foul mood. I think what you say about giving him his wings in probably the right thing to do as well, I think I will never give him the satisfaction of talking to me again.....he must disappear out of my life and mind......

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/10/29

Hey BT,

Thats sometimes what this forum is for. Let it all off girl, then come back a little later & smile at say, wow, did I say that...

Nah, just kidding around a bit. But really, you said it all above. He's not worth trusting, so don't. He's a fly by night, so give him his wings.

Here... c,")... thats my face, smack it as much as you like. But I should warn you, my interpretation of a smack maybe very different to yours....

Never say never!!!

& Don't generalise coz one person might be an a**hole that everyone else must be as well. Thats not fair & you know it.

There is always a way out, sometimes it just takes a while to find that way.

Think on this a while... Sometimes we cannot, or don't have the ability to change what is, sometimes we have to accpet certain things as thats how it is & how its meant to be. Might be not right, or not fair, but it is.

Remember what CS said to me yesterday? Yesterday was "my turn", so maybe today is just yours...

Take care BT, anyway, I know you will,
Cheers,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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