Posted by: rix | 2009/06/19


Hi i have a son who will turn 5 the end of september. He seems to show his emotions quite intensly... Like for example when he cries he kind of screams and cries very loud and the smallest things will make him sad. He' s also a very loving child will always give us hugs and tell us that he loves us etc and is also very loveable towards his 17 month old brother. I just want to know if i should worry about his emotional intelligence because by this time next year he will have to be ready to go to grade 1 as he will be in grade R next year. Is there things i can do to help him, cause i believe that he must show emotion but not as strong as he does like the screaming when he cries for example...

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Our expert says:
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SO he is, at least, very emotionally expressive, as well as loving. Excellent. The concept of "Emotional Intelligence" is phoney and just an over-promoted and over-sold form of psychobabble, not respected by the psychiatric and psychological communities, and never anything anyone needs to worry about. Now, hat very reasonably actually concerns you is that he may be overly demonstrative of some negative emotions, such as crying very loudly, and you'd like to modify that behaviour before he goes to school. Much of a child's behaviour responds to what attracts attention and what doesn't. So explain to him calml that screaming and performing so loudly won't being him help and attention from people, but it more likely to make them turn away. Explain that you will come to help him if he asks quietly, and you will pay great attention if you notice that he is crying quietly, but that when he screams and makes too much noise, you find it just too upsetting, and will move away till you can't hear those horrible cries, as it bothers you so much. Let him know, pleasantly, that he is getting to be such a big boy now, that you know he can control these things better, and now by deciding whether to cry very loudly and send you away, or quietly and call you to him, he can control whether you come to help him

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2009/06/19

Some children are more sensitive than others. Perhaps counseling will help him handle his emotions better. Don' t worry too much about him not being emotionally ready yet. A year and a half gives him quite a bit of growing up to do. Is he currently in a pre-school? Mingling with children his own age might help him realise on his own that his reaction to emotion is a bit intense. Even at this age peer pressure can cause behavioural changes.

Perhaps the loud crying is attention-seeking behaviour? Not enough info in your post to be sure.

Good Luck

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