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Question
Posted by: bunny | 2007/04/02

Child Abuse

I have recently found out that my mentally disabled brother-in-law has been inappropriately touching my niece who is 5 years old. My bro-in-law looks normal however has a mentality of a 5 year old. I have a 9 year old daughter and am so worried that he may have "touched" her. she used to love sleeping over at my parents and at my in-laws house. Now if you ask her if should would like to sleep over she immediately starts crying. It has actually come to a point that myself and my husband cannot leave her at night at someone's house unless we promise not to be late and promise to wake her up if she is sleeping. We have spoken to her and asked if anything has ever happened at someone's house that we need to be aware of, her answer is always no, just wants to stay by mom and dad. How do I know if she has been abused?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

With his low IQ, despite his age in calendar years, his behaviour is that of a curious 5-year-old. If your daughter shows signs of fear / distaste about the prospect of sleeping over at the house he shares, this may well suggest that he may have attempted to interfere with her. But on the other han d kids can show such separation anxiety at other times, for no clear reason.
It would inded be a good idea to take your daughter ro see a child shrink for discussion and assessment, and of course this would be wise for the neice, too. The BIL might be helped, if he too was re-assessed by a suitable shrink, by medication to reduce his libido and interest in sex. His parents cannot aford to ignore this and pretend nothign is happening, or they will increase the chances that he will indedd be taken away from the,.

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Our users say:
Posted by: RMC | 2007/04/02

I hate to say this but then it sounds as though something definitely happened. Surely the dad could find some one else to look after them if he were to live in - like a sleep in nanny or something? By not doing anything your MIL is equally accountable and I shudder to think what sort of a person she is to allow this to happen. It is understandable if the offender is not really aware of what he is doing is wrong - but then all the more reason that little girls should be protected.

What is welfare doing about it?

Reply to RMC
Posted by: Annelize | 2007/04/02

She deffinately is! It just shows that she is not compitent to take care of your child. Never leave her there again.

Reply to Annelize
Posted by: bunny | 2007/04/02

Thanks for the messages, will definetly take her to a psychologist and pray that nothing did happen.

A little more complicated than that in regard to my niece.My in-laws know that I won't stand for this and therefore are purposely excluding me from any family discussions about the offence and my mom-in-law is using any excuse under the sun to ensure that the little girl doesn't come to my house (she normally stays over the weekend). Lat weekend when my niece came over she threatened my niece and told her that she would ensure that her baby sister (8 months old) would be sent to other family members and she would not see her sister ever again if she stayed at my house.

Their main priority seems to be protecting their son. He was previously charged with sexually abusing a little girl about 8 years ago. They do not want this to go to the authorities as they are worried about losing their son, (their eldest son was murdered 8 years ago and the only daughter, my niece's mom, passed away in January this year). What I don't understand is why they are not prioritising the well being and safety of their grandchildren. I have contacted Child Welfare services and asked them to step in and have tried to convince the father to take the children and move out of the house. He is currently relying on them to look after the little ones since their mom passed away.

My mom-in-law has been aware of the situation and when confronted told the family (keep in mind I've been hearing this through the grapevine) that it has been sorted and that my late sister-in-law was aware of the incident(s). Isn't she as guilty as her son?

Reply to bunny
Posted by: cv | 2007/04/02

something must have happen,get her to a child psychologist and never leave her alone again

Reply to cv
Posted by: Maria | 2007/04/02

Find a good child psychologist and take her for an assessment and therapy. I think you are right to be concerned.

Reply to Maria

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