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Question
Posted by: Leo | 2004/02/26

Cheating or not

A question, what are the tell tale signs of your partner cheating on u? Lets c, we have been arguing plenty lately and over stupid things, which he starts. He all of a sudden says he doesnt trust me (he has no reason 2 think this at all).He compares me to his ex who is an alcoholic, I dont drink.
Like I say stupid things and I'm always to blame even if he's started the argument. What worries me, ever since I cleared his financial debt and cleared his name, putting me in a financial rutt he has become like this????????Nasty.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Leo,
Sadly, I'm inclined to agree with Soul. This doesn't sound like anything to do with cheating in the way you may think, but more about using. Having enjoyed the pleasures of having had you pay off his debt, maybe he's picking at little things to try to build up an excuse for leaving, and to pretend that he doesn't owe you such a lot ?
Why not get a good legal opinion about the debt, and his need to pay you back ? Don't give him the excuse to back out of his large debts to you --- ask for his plan to pay back what he owes you. How he responds to that will tell you whether he is sincere, or just a slimy user who needs to be made to pay back his debts.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Leo | 2004/02/27

Soul,RC,Cyber,Lil ol, Juz, thanks 4 all the advise. Money money money, the root of all evil...Last night I did try and talk 2 him infact about the money situation but as usual he turned it inot an argument and I looked like the doff 1 not knowing why we had to fight about it.So Tinkles here got 2 work and I withdrew from all of the accounts I was helping him sort out. I've had 1 company call me already and I've told them I have nothing 2 do with his accounts anymore, "plse contact him directly". Can u believe I have enough 2 pay my own debt this month. As from 2day I will not pay 1cent towards him, pay off my own.Yikes lets c what the weekend holds!!!!!!

Reply to Leo
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/02/27

G'day Leo
It is never a pleasant thing when your partner changes towards you especially if you are not sure why. And I definately agree with RC - it is true that when a partner is cheating the first thing they do is accuse you of doing exactly that, despite the fact that he might feel insecure within himself as a man for having you bail him out of his financial debt, it is still very nasty of him to now start treating you badly, he needs to pay you back your money because that would be the honourable thing to do. The two of you need to sit down and discuss this, if he feels he no longer wants to be with you he needs to be a man about it and should not have used you the way he did. Life is give and take 50/50 all the way. You will know what he "needed" you for once you ask for your money. I hope he is not the slime bucket he's looking like at the moment.
Good Luck

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: just lil ol me | 2004/02/27

i cheated on my b/f twice... he knows about the one but not the second... i found that i didnt become nasty at all.. in fact i felt so guilty that i went out of my way to be lovable to him i did every lil thing he asked me to do and a million things he didnt.

All relationships have thier ups and downs, maybe he is stressed or feeling bad that he needed help getting out of the finacial trouble and he is lashing out at you because he cant another way to communicate his feelings. he may also feel bad that he is now out of finacial trouble but in doing so he made u have the same problem.

anyway im not a shrink, just thought i might contribute

Reply to just lil ol me
Posted by: Romantic coach | 2004/02/26

I once read that one of the first tell-tale signs that one of the partners is being unfaithful, is when that person starts accusing the other of doing what they in fact are doing. (gosh that's a mouth full I hope it makes sense)

And I'm not saying that it is the case here. But it's rather sad that after you have helped him, he treats you like dirt. I really hope that he is maybe feeling a little insecure now after someone else has had to help him out of the doggie stuff.

Talk to him, fairly, firmly but he must understand what you have done for him. If it doesn't work, well then get him to sign an acknowledgement of debt, and get out.

All the best

Reply to Romantic coach
Posted by: Soul | 2004/02/26

Hi Leo

Sounds to me like he just used you to pay off his debt, and now that it's all paid up their's no use for you any more.
I know that sounds terrible but that's what I think.
And for being nasty I think his hoping you'll dump him cause it will be too obvious if he dumps you.

Does he have any plans in which to pay you back for getting his butt out of trouble, if not ask him when his going to pay you back?

He also knows your nothing like his ex and that's just another excuse for getting to you and pushing you to the edge.

I really hope that I'm wrong but to me this is all about MONEY.
So to answer your question no I don't think his cheating on you, he may say he is but I seriously doubt it.

Get your money back from him, he needs to start making a plan to repay you and then get out of this relationship.
His no good.

Take Care
Soul

Reply to Soul

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