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Question
Posted by: Me | 2006/04/06

Cheating or just paranoid

I'm not sure if i"m being paranoid or if something is really going on. I have two issues.
I live with my boyfriend at his house and about a year ago he lost his wife. He still wears his wedding ring and this doesnt bother me, he still has a photo of her in his house and this doesnt even bother me. However he has a slide show of pictures of his wife on his cellphone and whenever he gets or makes a call a picture appears and this is really getting to me. I know its sounds selfish but I think its a bit much. Secondly I get irritated by the number of calls he gets on his phone. Last night he got home at 07h30pm. Between then and 21h00 he received at least 10 calls. He got 2 missed calls and the third time he took the call outside. I'm learning zulu but not very good at it, but I can pick up what is being said in the conversation. Once I asked him why he never SMS's me and he said his not that type of person but he sits and SMS for hours. If I confront him I know the answer is going to be no. I've told him before that if he wants someone else I wont stand in his way and would rather have him be honest than make a fool of me. He didnt even notice that I packed all my clothing this morning and I wont be going back to his house this evening. He probably is cheating but how do I get him to be honest and try to move on with my life?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

let's see what other readers suggest here. Sounds suspicious to me. You need to decide, yourself, whether moving on with your own life is best for you --- and don't let it depend on whether or not he is man enough to admit he is cheating

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2006/04/06

To the other Me,

Maybe you need to give this man more time to grieve. A year isn't enough time, to get over the loss of someone you intended to spend the rest of your life with.

Do you sms him? There's a difference between sending 'general' sms's to friends, & sending more romantic ones to a lover. Some people are just not the lovey dovey types. My husband & I are like this. We send sms's to family & friends, but we don't send long ones to each other. We prefer calling each other & just saying hi during the day.

Speak to him. He probably has a lot of things to resolve - feelings, emotions. Maybe you guys need some time apart. Let him put himself 'together'. Maybe go for counselling. How have you helped him deal with his grief? Maybe he is too afraid to get too close to you.

I don't think he's cheating. I think he is still grieving & very lost & confused. Have you guys ever spoken about his wife, how she died, how this has affected him, how you can help him 'heal'? Speak to him, help him let go, remind him that life goes on & you're there every step of the way. And remind him that it takes 2 to make a relationship work. If he is not yet ready to give all his love to you, then it's time to rethink this realtionship.

You're in a difficult situation. He's lost a loved one, & you are looking for that love. You feel something is missing there, so try to find out what's up.

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