Posted by: sherlee | 2009/04/06

cheating hubby

I' ve been married for 4 years, and my husband has been cheating ever since. We have no kids and its because he doesnt get physical with me. I have discussed this with him and even asked him if there was something wrong with me, which his response was no. I feel that its not normal for a man not to be attracted to his wife especially when I am good looking, take good care of personal hygiene. He has withheld sex with me for over a year at a time, and the times when we do get physical, he is usually drunk.

I have no idea why he does it but he does it all the time. Sometimes I find out about it, confront him and he apologises that he will never do it again. I forgive him and things go back to the same routine. I' ve had a woman come to my door claiming she was pregnant with his child, and I forgave him. Few months after that he got home from a friends party at 5.00am and slept with his phone in his hand. His alarm went off and as i took it to put it off, I found out he was chatting to another female asking if she had got home safely and that he misses her. We argued, he apologised and things went back to normal, he said we needed to go for counselling. Last week, he told me he was planning a romantic evening, only to get home and discover that he was in a mood. I even told him to join me before I went to bed and he said he will be there soon. He only got to bed at 2:00am because I woke up and found him not there. When he finally got to bed he was tired and didnt want to hold me, he fell asleep with his phone in his hand. He was drunk and it was beeping, so when I grabbed the phone to put it off, I found out that he was chatting yet again to another someone wanting to meet her and so on. I also discoverd some graphic sex video' s on his phone with him in it.I never told him that I saw it however he has a password lock on his phone so that I cant go through it. I got home this weekend only to find out that the house smells of weed and there were 4 take-away containers in the bin. My was also couch was covered with blue tinsels. I never asked, but can just imagine the crap that went on while I was away.

He is manipulating and verbally abusive. He is lazy and comes home and relaxes without any thought if I might be tired as I work as well. He doesnt want to give me a child so I have come to realise that I am wasting my years, on someone who not only is bringing me down and using me financially as well.

All I want to know is how do I get rid of this useless person, cos he' s certainly not a man. I need a reasonable attorney as I am seeing to almost everything at present.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hi Sherlee,

I feel for your distress. Being in a dysfunctional marriage can leave you feeling trapped.
SADSA emphasizes that we do not forward any legal advice. It is too complex and seems to go wrong so many times. We are here for the emotional support.

The reason why so many people stay in unhappy, dysfunctional marriage is because of the belief that they cannot get out and the bad marriage could be best than facing the hardship of taking responsibilities for oneself. And this is all it is about. Are you ready to take responsibilities for your life?
If you get lost driving, do you keep going in the wrong direction, do you wait for someone to rescue you or do you take responsibilities to figure out how to get back on track?
This is what you should recognise now. You have lost yourself and abusive marriage. Are you going to keep going, wait for someone to rescue you or take responsibilities for your life and the happiness you deserve.
Yes it's scary. Yes it's going to be tough. But this is what will allow to grow. We all have withing us the potential to succeed in anything we want to do.
The first question you must clearly ask yourself and answer is: What do I want?

For further communication pls contact me on

Warmest regards

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Sunny Skies | 2009/06/07

Hi Sherlee
I am sorry to hear about you awful predicament - it can be so disappointing. I think you are very brave for facing the " awful truth"  and wish you courage and strength on your journey. There is no reason for you to have to accept the unacceptable - find solace in the beautiful things in your life, the generosity of others, and the hope for the future.
My heart goes out to you.

Reply to Sunny Skies
Posted by: H | 2009/05/31

Sounds like you already decided to divorce him, so its not necessary to ask the question  HOW THE HELL DID YOU STAY WITH HIM THROUGH ALL THE TIME AND STUFF HE DID TO YOU! You should have been gone a long time ago.

Reply to H
Posted by: Dee | 2009/04/16


the first step you should make is to move out! It would be easier than trying to move him out and keep him away.
I was in a similar relationship - I left . If you look in the Citizen classifieds - you get offers of divorce at about R500. alternately go on the internet and get the docs and do your own divorce. That is what I did and it is really not difficult at all. Go and look in the bookshops, search the net - and do it !! Good luck! make the move!

Reply to Dee
Posted by: Wendy | 2009/04/08

Until you cannot afford an attorney, what are you going to do. Do you guys share a bond of a house? or a flat? Have you considered moving out. You see he knows that you are not financially stable and that is why is so nochelant about this whole thing. You have to consider moving out because he is just going to take for granted the fact that you are still there. Believe me its not that bad. I know that you are craving for kids I would too. I have not appreciated my son as I do know. If it was not for him then it would have been more tough. You are still young and CAN still forfill your dreams to become a mother!!! your destiny is in your hands. I will check this site later to see how you are doing. We must be there for one another hey!!!

Reply to Wendy
Posted by: Sherelee | 2009/04/07

Thanks Wendy. Its actually quite sad cos I want kids so badly and im also 28, and having endometriosis doesn' t help my situation either. I also find myself looking at other men, and actually liking the fact that I am getting attention from them, which is wrong, I need to get the divorce sorted first. I guess you right, I should trust the Lord, and I know he will help me through this.

I just need someone to refer me to an affordible attorney, who will be able to sort this out as soon as possible as the longer it drags on the more it feels im stuck with him....


Reply to Sherelee
Posted by: Wendy | 2009/04/07

I dont want to sound harsh but please leave him Its never going to stop. I am sure you are a women of beauty you deserve better. I went through almost the same thing but my husband did not cheat, or I dont know. Because I am also a beautiful women I could not understand the lack of sex. I even got me a vibrator! and I am also married for 4 years. I am not saying that I trust my husband but if he was so in the open I would at least seperate. Thank the Lord above that you dont have kids. I have one but he is not the father(had him when I was 17 now 28). We have been struggling to get pregnant and today I understand why. The sad thing is that after these years of lazyness,lack of respect and layziness I find myself attracted to other men! they can only hurt you so much ehy! good luck and trust the Lord!

Reply to Wendy

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