Posted by: Confused | 2008/07/24

Cheating girlfriend or am I crazy?

Dear Shrink

I don' t use this forum much,but I need to get this off my chest.

I am in a long distance relationship(about 50kms apart) and been dating this lady for about 16 months.

I love her very much but I think she' s not very truthful.

This all started in our 3rd month, I was unsure about the relationship and pulled away. Its her birthday and she gets flowers from one of my ex-friends and brings it home to my place.I felt hurt.

then I' m sick in bed with flu and I tell her not to come visit cause she might get sick.I ask her what she will be doing on Friday and she says she' s going dancing with a friend from Cape Town.

My gut tells me something amiss and I take a drive to her place and at 1h30 in the morning that guy is in her place. I ring the bell and she doesn' t open.I left a snotty message on her phone..I confront her the next day and she says that all guys are not like me and I can' t tell her what to do. I forgive her but don' t forget. she evan tells me she thinks the guy is gay. The next weekend her cellphone is off the whole weekend.... In my anger I chat on a chatroom and a woman sends me explicit pics of herself.The girlfriend checks my phone and sees it..I didn' t meet the woman,felt bad and left it.

The relationship is fine..i start to distrust my gut as a result cause my gut tells me something is wrong and I don' t act. Work starts going badly and she' s doing fine at work.She sticks around and supports me mentally on weekends.I am greatful for that.

Now her cell is always on silent,whereas mine is there for her to see and she says that she' s entitled to her privacy.. I find it weird that when two people are together there should be third parties involved. Just my upbringing suppose. I have my faults too and am not perfect..

Fast forward to now..My gut tells me something wrong. Phone still on silent, she' s on facebook now, I am too but she blocked me that time as she says I overanalyze things and I think that she' s sleeping with guy friends on facebook.

I go overseas on business and so does she and I come back a couple of days later. I ask her whether she went out like any caring guy does and she starts accusing me of being possessive ,jealous ,insecure . Then she accuses me of checking her facebook profile which I didn' t. she says that I would only ask if I had checked her profile as she had posted pics of that night there.

I get suspicious and I ask my sis to check on her profile as they are friends.The pics aren' t there and there are pics of her and other guys overseas. Can' t make out if its bad anyway. I search on facebook and find the pics on a group and see her dancing with a dude and he dancing with her friend.He' s the friends dance partner. What makes it funny then is that he has one of the pics as his profile pic..hehe

When I ask her calmly whether she has pics on her facebook profile she blocks my sis too. She probably suspects that I checked on her. when I ask her who her friends dance partner is then she tells me he has a girlfriend. I didn' t ask that,did I?

Now she tells me that I need counselling to get rid of my jealousy because her life coach told her so and whilst I go for counselling I need to cut off all ties with her for at least a month.Meaning no visits,calls,contact. That her life coach says will remove my jealousy..

The thing is that my girlfriend can go where she pleases,see who she wants and I never interfere..

Am I going mad or what?

Please advise

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wouldn't trust anyone who behaves as you describe, nor anyone who wastes money on a "Life Coach", one of the most dubious actitivities around. I wouldn't take any advice from a Life Coach if my budgie was sick. It doesn't sound at all as though she values this relationship or wishes it to continue.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Ja | 2008/07/25

You' re desperate. Is she REALLY worth all this?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Confused | 2008/07/25

Thanks for the advice..

She tells me that she will wait for me the month I' m getting counselling so that I can sort myself out..hehe

She says it' s a small sacrifice for a lifetime together..

I wonder..

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Lolo | 2008/07/25

T RUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion generates anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

i don' t say trust her but by the look of things you really don' t trust her and she is indeed messing around you, i can' t decide for you but why does she switch off the phone.


Reply to Lolo
Posted by: Kandosh | 2008/07/25

Hey man you a blariate idiot get a life cant you see this blady woman is waisting your fackin time.My woman did almost the same thing until i got over it and i dumped her .she does not awe you eny thing and so are you.the are so many woman out the who will be very delighted to have someone like you,came on man.You are making me sick.

Reply to Kandosh
Posted by: SR | 2008/07/25

I think you need to get your priorities right. You dont sound very secure.

Reply to SR
Posted by: linda | 2008/07/25

i also think the gal doesnt want this relationship anymo, and by hte sound of what she does, she' s not worth it, try telling her that its not working, and whatch out for her responce, she probably wont even contest. leave her bro,she' s not worth ur time nor ur love

Reply to linda
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/24

Maybe the two of you should sit down and talk about where you see the relationship going. But it sounds to me as if she is trying to tell you it' s over, the whole " life coach says stay away for a month"  story. Perhaps you should rather look for someone who shares your value system?

Reply to Maria

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