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Question
Posted by: Lerato | 2005/12/02

Cheating fiance

I have been wth my fiance for the past 3yrs. We r to get married soon, date hasnt been set but traditional stuff has been done. We have a son 6months old. He's a very good provider, i love him and i couldnt have asked for anyone..............

Problem, he's having an affair and when i contronted him he denied it saying they r just friends. He deletes his sent items, dialled numbers and his phone never leaves his sight. if he's got nothing to hide why is he doing this.

I love him and im sure we can work this out bt he wont talk to me. its been a wk now since i confronted him and he's not talking to me. he knws how it breaks me when he does that.

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Our expert says:
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Actually, if he's your fiancee, due to marry you, you have a son together and the traditional stuff is already done --- he knows he has no business having an affair --- or even having a close friendship with another woman that he feels he needs to keep hidden. Could someone older in your family or his, talk to him and persuade him to stop being childish and talk with you about this --- even see a marriage counsellor if needed

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lerato | 2005/12/02

Thanks Keanu, u knw at one stage i thought maybe i should get back on him and cheat as wel but then told myself i wont stand dat low besides he will make me a scapegoat for his wrong doings.

U r right, i dont even knw how can i be intimate wth him after all of this, everytime i think abt it my body shivers. its so sad bt its teaching me to be strong and not to give up on my studies(at times it gets so difficult)bc i truly believe wth financial freedom which comes wth education a lot of women wouldnt tolerate the treatment we get especially us africans. its so sad bt one day when i have a daughter i wont put her under pressure to marry. she must study, travel the world and never depend on anyone.

thanks and have a good weekend. im off!

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: Keanu | 2005/12/02

Lerato I would love to tell you to also cheat, but two wrongs does not make a right, and the danger of HIV infections is much too great. But Darling, there's no excuse for cheating. It does not mean becasue you're African you are allowed to be a murderer. A murderer yes, because if he infects you with HIV one of these days he will actually give you the death sentence baby. I know it sounds harsh, but I feel so sorry for you and I want you to open your eyes. For now, if you want to stay with him then stay, BUT PLEASE abstain from having sex with him. It shouldn't be a problem for him cause he is getting it somewhere else. Do this untill he stops and prove to you on paper that he is HIV negative. Please open your eyes and think of your future, yes he is providing for your future, but the rate he's going now, both of you are not gonna have a future and your child will be raised as an aids orphan. Think long and hard please Darling. Let us know okay and don't go all quiet on us, we're here for you.

Reply to Keanu
Posted by: Lerato | 2005/12/02

He's not aggresive and has never hit me and i dont think he will. generally we get along very well and he's a good provider its just his affairs that kill. And my married friends r telling me i must just persevere bc all man cheat(especially africans) i must be grateful dat he respects me. i found out abt this affair while snooping on his phone. dat just kills me.........why do most men getaway wth murder? this is so sad bc its seems like a norm, u must just pretend like u dont c anything.

Lee, i have told him about all those things aids, sti's and stuff but he jst keeps quite as if im talking to the wall.

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: Lee | 2005/12/02

Lerato, ever considered that he is placing your life in danger by cheating on you?.. With all the aids going round do you really want to expose yourself to it?... If you are going to work on the relationship and try and sort stuff out be sure to get him tested for STI and Aids..

Reply to Lee
Posted by: Keanu | 2005/12/02

Is he agressive towards you or does hit you or will he hit you if you provoke him? Thing is he knows very well that he's calling the shots at the moment and nothing you'll say will make him stop. We must think of a way for you.

Reply to Keanu
Posted by: Lerato | 2005/12/02

Keanu, i knw. Problem is im not financially independent for now. I cannot take care of myself let alone my son. I have a part time job, no much pay though. it would probably go towards my rent and that will be it. Im studying part time and have 3 more yrs to go. Basically he calls the shots for now.

I jst need to find wayz of coping as this is upsetting me a lot!

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: ZeeZee | 2005/12/02

Helene of......You have made my day with all your'e nic's. Its just hillarous and I don't mean it in a bad way I know that you are going through a rough patch and I truly hope that things will work out for jou...Good luck

Reply to ZeeZee
Posted by: Keanu | 2005/12/02

Lerato my heart really goes out to you because now he's playing the silent treatment on you. One of the best tricks of emotional manipulation and control. Boy I sometimes wish cell phones were never invented, because they just add so much more misery and complications in relationships, don't they.

His attitude clearly reveals that he is definitely cheating on you. You don't seem to have a strong personality and maybe that's your downfall darling. The problem with these guys are that they go around cheating on good women, but when the tables are turned they want to committ suicide, kill the girlfriend and children. But now he actually expect you to just sit back and believe that it's really just a friend.

It's time to take a stand. He'll sure be surpised if you take a stand. Tell him in a very respectfull manner that you will not stoop that low to be sharing your man with someone else, because you're so much more worth than that. You need to be strong on this and you need to follow through with whatever you tell him. The point is, you can stand up and take a stand, or you'll just have to be satisfied to have a very bumpy marriage with a cheating husband who will most probably infect you with a sexually illness in the long run. Remember if one door closes another opens, it may seem impossible to leave him, but you'll stand on the other side one day and wonder why didn't you do it sooner.

Good luck...

Reply to Keanu
Posted by: Helena Hating All Men | 2005/12/02

Buy him a rocket!

You are not even married and he's already having an affair.

Reply to Helena Hating All Men

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