Posted by: AK | 2005/07/27


Married - communit of property
Found - 1. my spouse chatting to an overseas "friend" (lover) on MSN; calling each other sweet names; making decisions together which at home does not happen (planing or decision-making together); spouse just say whatever wants and it goes.

2. Yesterday found in my spouses car last night a gift, extremely expensive from the same man I caught chatting to; very expensive gift contents; very lavish wrapper with rosepetals and hearts and sweet-scented roses in the container in which the gift was mailed; oh the lover had sent my spouse some t-shirts and other stuff before which to me was told is a sample from an american company found on internet and my spouse considering doing businesswith and importing from the company; spouse denied at the time having an affair with this chat (lover) person.

- no happiness at home; have been wondering why; have been miserable trying to figure out where has it gone wrong; no sex.


1. what do you make of all this?
2. is my spouse cheating on me?
3. is my spouse having an affair with this american?
4. how is the situation handled in marriage in community of property?
5. where do i get divorce papers? file them where? any info that could assist me, pleas help.

i do not jump into conclusions, wrong conclusions,
6. how do i confront this situation and my spouse in particular?

Please help.


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I've been working on the internet since the days, way back yonks, when if you mentioned it to anyone, you had to explain what it was. And I haven't come across ANY free samples, let alone any being sent in such extravagent packaging. And companies wanting to do business, don't include rose-petals, unless they're specifically in the rose-petal business.
Sounds like your spouse is at least flirting.
Why not get him, with you, into mariage counselling, asap, to heck up on what is going on and what would be the best to do about i.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/27

I got it thanks, I'll contact you don't worry

Reply to SR
Posted by: AK | 2005/07/27

SR, I ahve sent you an Email.

CS - I have suggested counselling. she is refusing point blank. thing is she is not aware I know about the gift goodies. my challenge and problem is how do I approach it. I just get angry and wanna do or think of all the stupid things.

Help please.

Thanks SR and CS a lot!

Reply to AK
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/27

email me at srct_srctATyahooDOTcom and I'll help you

Reply to SR
Posted by: AK | 2005/07/27

Sorry the previous message was from AK but to SR

Reply to AK
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/27

like I say the internet is her life her work.
well at home we have always had arguments followed by periods of distance from the beginning. stupid me.

Reply to SR
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/27

AK = yes you answer my questions correctly. She is addicted to the internet just like I was. I used to spend time like that at home and neglect my family.

I have internet access at work but this is the norm. I don't have dial up or any connectivity at home as it is not necessary. It's amazing that when let out of the "cage" (The marriage) the need for the internet falls away totally.

She is using it as her escape portal. I would suggest that if you want to catch her red handed then you must follow her next time she goes on one of her outings. I know it sounds obsesive but the evidence you present me is sufficient to say that I was there and I know exactly what your wife is going through.

How long has she been neglecting the family and been on the internet?

Reply to SR
Posted by: AK | 2005/07/27

SR - I have always asked to meet up with you. you so good man.

I agree with you that there could probably be more locals my spouse "chats" to, probably to the level of affair as well.

My spouse is working mostly on computers and company with unlimited internet access.

I caught my spouse chatting on MSN at work which is entirely a normal thing at that organisation.

my spouse would take liberty to "take a drive" or "visit friends" but otherwise is at library doing studies or we are together at home if no study work due.

So in short the spouse is spending lot of time on internet.

Quality time at home is rare. if together at home, the time is not intimate (quality). the entire time is on about business this business that, taking children to the best creche, or any other thing but intimate quality material.

Do I answer your question corrctly?

Reply to AK
Posted by: SR | 2005/07/27

Lets just say everything is right about what you say. Lets just say your spouse is having an affair with this american. Lets just say he flies over every now and then and they meet. Lets just say that this happens every 3 months or 6 months.

If this is the case I'd like to submit to you that she could be biding her time to say goodbye to you and this guy is her "rescuer" from her situation.

If this is the case then she most probably has other "friends" that she chats to on the internet as well (Locals) whom she meets for liaisons every now and then

If this is the case then you have to assess your intimacy with your wife and ask yourself how often she has free time on her hands (At work, movies by herself, outings with the girls, free quality time alone)

If this is the case your wife has been doing this for a long time, well as long as she has had internet access at home

Does she spend more time on the internet than with you or the family?

Answer these questions

Reply to SR

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