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Question
Posted by: Stupid | 2005/01/11

Cheating

Why would a person keep cheating over and over again, even if the other relationships are usually destructive of nature? Am I just a sucker for pain?

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Our expert says:
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I wonder which you are --- the cheater or the cheated ? A cheater usually continues cheating if they can get away with it, and if they feel no real need for a genuine committed relationship, and often because they have a low opinion of themselves ( which we generally share ) and feel it proves something good, rather than pathetic, about themselves, to cheat.
The cheated are usually innocent victims the first time round, but to some degree masochistic and also think very little of themselves, if they allow it to happen more than once.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2005/01/11

If someone gave up everything and did all in theor power to show how much they loved ad you still cheated - no one would ever be enough, no matter what they did. Nothing would ever be enough - the problem lies with you - your self esteem is obviously not what it should be - so think about what you are putting your partner through.
It seems you keep hurting - cos you are hurting yourself - you are seeking an affirmation that could only come from within.
Sweetie just take a good look at what's really missing - i dont believe ir's a lack of trying or love from your partner, maybe you just don't love this person and cannot or will not break away for what ever "reason".
Comfort zone maybe - dependancy or a certainty that no matter what you do this person would always be there?
What ever it is just lnow that all's fair in love and war - play with fire and you will get burned - for others it jsttakes longer.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: J | 2005/01/11

Hi S
Sorry to sound harsh and I am by no means trying to judge, but I think you are suffering from low self esteem issues. The fact that you say that you get hurt everytime, yet you get a kick out of what you are doing is very contradictory.
You pain might be self-inflicted and pleasurable to yourself , but ultimately your partner is the one who will end up being more hurt.You have to seek professional help to work at your own issues and in turn aviod hurting the innocent.

Reply to J
Posted by: Stupid | 2005/01/11

I am the cheater. I have no reason to cheat, i know that. I know i get hurt everytime i do. I hate doing it, yet it's like a drug. It goes well for a few months, or years and then, off i go, looking for heartache. I am thinking to devorce, as the guilt is eating me up and i never want to see the person i love hurt again.

Reply to Stupid
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2005/01/11

I think it's an ego thing - this person is only feeding their ego by testing to see how may people's affection they can "win over" it could be a lustful thing but one thing for sure when no -one is feeding their ego they probably feel like a worthless piece of shit.
They are definately not deserving of a loving relationship - people that hurt others over and over will iin turn be hurt by the one that they do decide to finally settle with. That's all it is - settling........ until their ego needs another boost that is.
Well the tables always turn and what goes around comes around. I think a low self esteem plays a major role in this factor as well. But hell what do I know?

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: K | 2005/01/11

Surely someone who is cheating repeatedly doesn't want to be in that relationship anymore and is 'fishing' around trying to find what he or she really wants?

Please nobody yell at me, it was just a thought!

Reply to K
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/11

No, you're just a person that generally sees the good in others & will always give people a chance. Unfortunately people are such that they use this to their advantage & take you for granted thereby using your best intentions to get what they want.
You're no sucker for pain, you're a sucker for love... big difference.
Maybe it may help you locating a good teacher of assertiveness skills so that you may develop your self-worth to know that you don't depend on those that only take advantage of your good nature.

Easier said than done I know. I'm still struggling with that myself so I know where you're coming from... what you mean.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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