Posted by: Paranoid | 2008/07/03

Cheater or not???

Dear Cyber Shrink,

I suspect my husband of 4yrs was/is having an affair. I confronted him about sms's I found on his phone. He claims she's just a friend and they were not sexually involved and he wants things to be normal between us again. He vowed never to do it again. Somehow I dont believe him. We are seeing a phycologist, and it's going fairly well. I think giving him a second chance was not the right thing to do, but then a again, I don't have proof of infidelity and I suppose everyone in life deserves a second chance. I have this feeling that they are still seeing each other and now he is going to cover up his tracks more than ever. I am suspitious, paranoid and my mind is working overtime, trying figure out ways to catch him out. What do you suggest I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You may suspect infidelity, but he may be being truthful and maybe nothing specific and physical had happened at the point at which you found out. WOrk on this in the therapy / counselling sessions. Admit to your feelings of suspicion and discuss jointly, with the help of the counsellor, how realistic these are, how he can re-assure you, and how generally to manage this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Riley | 2008/07/04

Here I go again!

I kind of have to defend the whole 'found an sms on his/her phone' as my girlfriend and I never had any secrets and would use often use the phone that had the most free minutes / best games etc and had no secrets from one another.

I saw sms's. And confronted, and broke up, and took her back, and cried and screamed and loved her more than ever. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

'he wants things to be normal between us again. He vowed never to do it again.' - This bothers me. Why didn't he tell you about her in the first place?

I guess what I am trying to say, is that I wish I listened to my gut the first time I read the sms's - and not after a tearful explanation (which crumbled me - I hated seeing her cry).

Needless to say, I am now single, and she just used me for my money to be able to pay for her flight to be with the other woman.

Trust your gut.

Reply to Riley
Posted by: been there | 2008/07/03

I too have been there and three years down the line the situation and trust have never been restored. I used to periodically check his emails and sms's and after a few months started finding porn, internet dating sites he'd visited and the last straw was an email flirtation he started at work where he told the women he was not a married man. I don't think I will ever be able to trust him and am currently just being a Mom to our kids and not a wife at all. Maybe give it your best shot and give it a few weeks and then check again once his guard is down.
Good luck

Reply to been there
Posted by: Kim | 2008/07/03

I know how you feel, it finally has destroyed our relationship and I'm moving out over the week end. I don't know if my paranoid behaviour drove him away or my feelings of mistrust are to strong. But I have to leave now. Rather find out for sure or choose to forgive and forget but don't harp! Good luck, if he's a cheat you are better than him and will be happy so will I one day!

Reply to Kim
Posted by: Me | 2008/07/03

I have been where you are now, but just on the other side. I was the one who chatted to men and my husband found out. From my side I can tell you that mine were only chatting and nothing EVER happend, but my husband now 9 years have always been wondering and I know and feel that he does not trust me. You can never build or work on such a relationship if the one party does not trust you and trust me, it will be better for you to part your ways rather going through the hurt and emotional rollercoaster I am going through now.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Anon | 2008/07/03

Hire a Private Investigator and put your mind at rest

Reply to Anon

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