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Question
Posted by: Lauren | 2008/06/06

Cheater or no cheater

In my first three years of this relationship all was going fine, in the last 2 years I have often seen that he goes onto dating sites although he does not register.

Over the weekend I saw that he'd registered on a site, now Im wondering have I just never caught him out or why is he looking?

The few times in the last couple of years that I've asked him or confronted him he'd say you get led from the one site to the other, or someone else was using his computer.

But Im worried about the site he joined over the weekend. Where does that leave me ? What does that say to me?

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Our expert says:
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Is there any substitute for calmly discussing this concern with him, and asking him ? Confrontations cause fights or at least excuses ; discussion can be much more revealing.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Been there | 2008/06/06

the fact that he registered..he must have been thinking about it for a whille...what else has he been up to? This on it's own is cheating!
Chalrli Brown...BORED?? what happened to honesty?, faithfulness? integrity? Self-centredness...is more like it!

Reply to Been there
Posted by: peppa | 2008/06/06

either already a cheater or wannabe. been there, got the t-shirt. & he thinks u are stupid, lying like that

Reply to peppa
Posted by: Charlie Brown | 2008/06/06

Hi Lauren,

You need to win him back, spice up your relationship, get creative. This guy is bored... come on show him you love him, do something sexy!

Reply to Charlie Brown
Posted by: Been there | 2008/06/06

Lauren,

I;ve been thru what you going thru now.. I caught my Bf registering on a site, and I was shocked cos I thought we had a good relationship. RED FLAGS!!You see, it was revealed that he was indeed looking to have his bread buttered on both sides…the comfort of a relationship with someone who loves him…and on the other side, he wanted to explore certain fantasies….with other women! They think that they will never get caught…just remember, if they think and obsess about it long enough, they WILL go out and DO it!....He was caught and I gave him an ultimatum I asked him to move out and get his act together…He didn’t expect that…and…Today, a year later, he realised how self-centred he was…he seems more open and honest about things now….I’m still wary though…watch your back! Don't let him get away with it....

Reply to Been there
Posted by: Anon | 2008/06/06

Of course it's cheating. If he was drunk and asked a girl for her number, or kissed her even, you can say it was spontaneous but registering on a dating site is premeditated, thought through and deliberate. Run!!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: ben | 2008/06/06

in my opinion the only reason he would be doing that is because he is bored of the relationship or worried that its going to end soon. he is looking at these sites to see what his options are if it ends and if he gets any positive responses. if he does get replies he may thinking of leaving, if not then he will stay. i reckon he's testing the waters, trying to butter his bread on both sides instead of making a decision to go one way or the other. but either way its not a good sign, clearly something is wrong, but it doesnt mean it cant be corrected. you need to find out what is making him doubt the relationship. good luck.

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