Posted by: Nicky | 2004/01/27

Cheated on me while engaged.

I have a problem forgiving my husbund who cheated on me while we were engaged. He only told it to me when we were married.
If he had told it to me before I would not have married him, but also now can not divorce him because he did it before the marriage.

They did it a few times in our house including our bed and lounge. It has been two years now and a still can't get the pictures out of my head.

What can I do to trust him again. Will it help if we move to another house or get a different bed and couch?

What is the chances of him doing it again?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Nicky,
No-one else can tell if he will do it again --- not even he could do so, even if he tried. And changing the couch or the house won't change the concerns underlying your worries. Surely you both need to get involved, together, in proper marriage counselling, to sort out these issues, to the greater comfort of both of you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/01/28

Yes, change everything - house furniture whatever wake up the feelings of betrayal by your husband. It is a pity that you did not find out about his cheating before the marriage and not married him. He was very clever in telling you about it because it was bothering him and now he got rid of the guilty feelings and left you to cope with it.

It will take years to get over his betrayal and you will probably never fully trust him again - very difficult. It would help if you can go for counseling but it is no guarantee. Wait and check things out before you start with a family - you can still pull out easily if there are no kids involved.

Best of luck.

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