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Posted by: Steve | 2007/03/02

Chapter 3

Hi Everyone... This is almost becoming like a blog, well better than a blog, because I get some feedback as well, and some different opinions on things.

Yesterday, we both saw the therapist, separately of course. It seems as if teh wife has some serious problems as well, so she will see the therapist as well, but independantly from me, without any overlap between our sessions. There are some stuff in her background, which led to the whole dependance thing, and those things needs to be addressed so that she can find her own identity and become a stronger person.

As for my issue...
It is quite evident that we both know that there is no future for our marriage. The things is just, none of us want to admit it, and none of us really want to end it. In the end, I will have to be the bastard and end this, but I think I should give her more time to strengthen. We seem to be fighting a lot more these days, and we go to bed angry, something we promised ourselves we will never do again. This is more my fault, because I don't see anymore reason to work at the relationship, or well, work hard at it. We have also scaled down on the sex front, which she has noticed. The therapist shared with me that she knows I am preparing her for a divorce.

She doesn't know about all the stuff I did, the experimenting, and he also believes, should she find out, she will be shattered. And we all know that her finding out is just a matter of time......

At least I am getting some clarity, but I still have a huge mountain to cross before I can be hapy, and I just pray that this mountain will not take as big a toll on me as I expect...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Steve and thanks for keeping us informed.... this is a profoundly difficult and challenging time for you and I appreciate your using the forum. You're doing the best thing possible by using a therapist and it seems, from what you're saying, that you're making steady progress. While the main issue is that you're being honest with yourself - full marks to you for this - you're grappling with finding a balance between being totally honest with your wife and feeling responsible for her feelings. I assume your therapist is helping you with this.

Please keep posting!

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Steve | 2007/03/05

Thanks you guys, I really appreciate your support and help, it is one of the few things that's keeping me on my feet and going ahead. As for advice... Well, as soon as I am out of this hole and feel better about myself, I will be able to give some guidance and advice to other people too. I have been talking to Deeve, and you guys wouldn't believe how relieved I was to know that I am not mad, and what I am experiencing is in fact normal. Just great to get an outside opinion!

Reply to Steve
Posted by: Junioir | 2007/03/05

Hi Steve

I've been following the story since... well chapter 1 and I'm impressed by the amount of courage and determination that you've shown in your situation. Coming to terms with your sexuality and seeking counselling, all in a relatively short period.

You are handleing all of this excellently. Maybe you should be giving some of us advice here? Anyway, I think that you are making a good decision to give your wife some time before ending the marrige - but remember that your happieness is the most important thing here.

All the best and please keep us posted.

4rom
Junior

Reply to Junioir
Posted by: Ferny | 2007/03/02

Hi Steve !! Gosh, my family is growing by the minute.......!!

I think you are doing amazingly well in such a short space of time!! It's obviously tough going but you are on the right path. The fact that you took the first step on that path is testament to your strength of character.

Please remember that all of us here on the forum are behind you 100% and will help in any way we can.

Take care and keep us posted - Love and hugs - Ferny :-)

Reply to Ferny
Posted by: Steve | 2007/03/02

Thanks Ferny. Getting a response from yuo means so much to me. I've followed some of the hghlights of your story, and I would kille to have you as a mom... Maybe you can consider me for adoption as well?

Reply to Steve
Posted by: Ferny | 2007/03/02

Hi Steve,

I am not going to comment too much because i have not walked in your shoes. But i have been following your story with great interest and i would like to say to you that i truly admire your courage and strength in pursueing a path which ultimately will bring you happiness and the life you were MEANT to live.

Not sure if you know that i have a gay son Stef (21)who has just got engaged to his partner Charl (22). They both had to struggle in coming to terms with being gay and although Stef had our full support and total love and acceptance from day one, Charl has not been so fortunate.

The point i am trying to make is knowing what they both went through to get to where they are now i can only imagine the difficulties and turmoil you have been through and are still going through! PLEASE persevere on the path you have begun so that you too can reach the place where they are now.

I'd like to end with a quote :

" COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR, BUT RATHER THE JUDGEMENT THAT SOMETHING ELSE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FEAR."

Be strong !! Love & hugs - Ferny :-)

Reply to Ferny
Posted by: whatwhat 24 (aka rob) | 2007/03/02

hey steve

gosh, it's amazing to hear how quickly things are moving. i think you are being incredibly brave to acknowledge these issues and deal with them as responsibly as possible. goodness knows you could have tried to deny them with the use of drugs etc. so no matter how bad you are feeling now, please try take the time to step back and acknowledge how much progress you have made. i know you said that you feel all these issues stem from you but reading your post it does sound like your wife is also contributing to the problems you are having. try not to see yourself as the horrible person in this, you are dealing with this the best way possible.

thanks for keeping us up to date. hang in there and know you have support.

cheers
whatwhat 24

Reply to whatwhat 24 (aka rob)

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