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Question
Posted by: Sarah | 2006/10/31

Changes in partner

Hi there,

Haven't posted in a while, but I just need some advice on how to handle this.

My partner and I have been together for almost a year now, and we live together as well. We've been through a rough patch, as most new relationships do, but lately things have been bothering me that I don't quite know how to deal with.

I've always been very loving towards her, and she towards me. She used to make me feel that she loves me and appreciates me. She used to be so soft and gentle.

And lately she's changed. She makes me feel like I'm supposed to do nice things for her, and she rarely does anything nice for me these days. She's taken up smoking as well, and she's started swearing quite a lot and her behaviour has become more aggressive. Also, and this might seem silly, but it sometimes feels as if she just wants to have sex all the time. We used to be able to just cuddle in bed and not have sex, but lately I can't even come near her and all she wants is sex. And if I'm not in the mood, then she starts asking me if I'm not attracted to her or what. I just can't do it 10 times a week.

I've tried talking to her, but then she just throws a scene and stomps off.
I do love her a lot, but if this keeps going on, I can't see me staying in this. I know I deserve better.

Why would she suddenly start acting like this? Its only been in the past couple of weeks that she's been like this. And how should I deal with it..?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Sarah and thanks for this post. Good to hear from you again.

It sounds as if you're taking quite a bit of strain and if your partner isn't willing to sit down with you and at least hear you out, in an adult manner which implies being able to relate to your concerns and respect your feelings, there isn't much you can do. A few sessions of couple counselling could help focus on key issues in the relationship and facilitate better communication.

I'm curious about why she started smoking - can you recall what brought that on? What was happening in her world, and in your relationship, at that time?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2006/10/31

Hey there,

Firstly there must be something that has changed her behaviour, a fight? a family feud? Maybe she's feeling claustrophobic? Well whatever it is, there is definately an underlying problem.

You need to try and find out what that is, an then work on the problem rather then the symptoms. If you love her you will fight for her, but if she is not willing to work at it to save the relationship then...well...then you go get better..

Lastly, Comunicate Comunicate Comunicate...

Reply to Kelly

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